


Cradle of Love.

by saintsand



Category: Carol (2015), Cate x Rooney, Cooney, The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith, carol - Fandom, price of salt
Genre: Carol - Freeform, Cate Blanchett - Freeform, Drama, F/F, Love, Price of Salt - Freeform, RPS - Freeform, Romance, Rooney Mara - Freeform, patricia highsmith - Freeform, real people fiction - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-06-10 07:40:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 39,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6946057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saintsand/pseuds/saintsand
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some people change your life forever. Nothing more to add. Everyone of us were in love, everyone of us felt that one, special person can change a vision of the cruel word. But life is life, full of non expected situations. Cate Blanchett / Rooney Mara</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Day of Truth

**Author's Note:**

> Note: This story will be about a real people fiction. I only use my imagination and don't want to offend anybody.  
> From here I need to a big thank "Carol Team" to make the most beautiful and breathtaking movie and Pat Highsmith for the most incredible story which was written in one or two weeks.  
> I'm not a native English speaker (English is my second language) so if you see some mistakes or have you some ideas - feel free to write a comment.  
> If you will be like it - I will do my best to give you the next chapter.  
> So please enjoy it!

Chapter 1

In a dimmed room was a big bed. It was a really quiet there. The sun started to timidly shine through the window. Inside the tousled linens we can see a black hair of a sleeping girl. She had a really long, sleepless night full of thoughts. She had an offer to play by side of her idol from childhood. Who could be able to say "no" on this?  
Yes, I guess that anybody.  
Our stunning hero with a baked milk skin and a dark hair couldn't answer unlike "Yes! Of course YES, I will take this role." Suddenly the silence was break by a phone. The sleeping girl jump nervously in the bed and started to search her phone. Of course phone lied on a cold floor. She answered quickly with a sleepy voice.

"Hallo?"

The manly, cheerful voice start to talking.

"Hello, Rooney. Did I wake you?" - asked Todd.

"Yes. I had a really sleepless night. What's up?" - she answered

"Is it something wrong? I need you tomorrow in Cincinnati. Could you be able to do it?"

Her mind started to working faster. She felt how her throat grip. "Everything is going too much fast" - she thought. She can't be able to answer.

"Hey, Roon are you there? Everything is ok?" - he asked with a surprise in voice.

She breaths loudly, trying to make her voice sounds normal.

"Of course, Todd. I will be able to be there tomorrow."  
"Cool. I will be waiting for you. We need to talk a little more about script, before the rehearsals. I need to tell you that Cate can be here too. Don't worry, you two can do it right. I'm sure that. So see you tomorrow morning" - said her new director Todd Haynes and turn off the call.

Rooney just fall on the bed. She breaths loudly. In her brain will be a thousand of thoughts. She will be with Todd. She will see Cate Elise Blanchett - her idol from her childhood. She will be doing a movie based on "Price of Salt" book. She read that many times before because she adores Patricia Highsmith writing. The story was about two woman falling in love with each other. Her imagination trod on. She imagine herself kissing Cate Blanchett lips.

In her mind felt it well. She suddenly smile, but her thoughts terrified her.

"Stupid Mara" - she said aloud in her bedroom. "It's only a childhood girly crush. How can you be dare to imagine herself doing… This with another woman."

Little voice inside her head start to speak. "So do you have a problem because is this another woman? Don't be stupe - it's just a normal thing. Love is love. Things like this such happen everyday, somewhere."

"Shut up. Just shut up! I need to focus myself to doing my best! She's married for a Christ sake! It's a stupid crush! Nothing more!"

She knew one thing - Tomorrow will be a day of truth.


	2. Excitment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some people change your life forever. Nothing more to add. Everyone of us were in love, everyone of us felt that one, special person can change a vision of the cruel word. But life is life, full of non expected situations. Cate Blanchett / Rooney Mara

Chapter 2

Rooney woke up before the alarm clock rang. She stretched, lying in bed for a while. The sun lazily peeking through the window.

It will probably be freezing. - She thought, glancing at the shining rays. It is today ... The day of truth. - She sighed loudly, feeling excitement passing over her. She never did not like mornings, but this time she was extremely relaxed.

With every new movie she felt that begins a new chapter in life. The entrance into the role of the heroine from the film, some kind of story and emotions - that was everything what she wanted to focus on. She looked at the bedside table at the moment when her feet hit the cold floor. Her eyes fell on the book "The Price of Salt" by Patricia Highsmith. The book was protruded from her colorful sticky notes, which underlined the texts of the most important quotes. Of course, there were still other sheets with notes about the characters and thoughts that she wanted to tell in a meeting with Todd and Cate.

She went to the kitchen for coffee. She took a favorite mug that once got from Charlie.

A new chapter in life began for me too- she thought, taking a sip of coffee. They split up with Charlie two months ago. She was convinced she would miss him, that may, over time long for him, as it should be. They were finally together for a long time. She did not want to evaluate who is at fault, or maybe it was the time, or simply they stopped to try about their relationship. She remembers that she loved him very much, at least at the beginning, then something inside her snapped ... She took a sip of coffee from a cup, widening her eyes in amazement. -That chooked when I got a second proposal from Todd. - She whispered to herself. She remembered very well that as soon as she read the script, she just fell in love with it. Todd worked constantly sending her pictures and videos. Explaining and answering profusely for her every doubt. Already she liked him. She realized that they were trying to save their relationship, but time is slowly killing everything. Charlie did not try to understand her fascination with the newly received script. That she will play alongside the most wonderful actress - did not matter to him. Only thrown quickly, "Roon, you can handle it, you can handle everything" - was to give her all the warmth and support. Slowly, piece by piece began to stop to understand each other. Sex also was not the same again. She remembered well the evening, when she forced not having the slightest desire. A man who loved so much was annoyed by her crying after all. The only escape from loneliness was the work and desire that played her character Therese will be the most real.

And of course playing alongside wonderful Cate Blanchett ... - she thought, looking at her watch. She was still plenty of time for departure. Calmly she has time for everything. When she thought about "Carol movie" all seemed like a dream. Playing alongside brilliant actress was the culmination of her dreams. She smiled to herself.

-So, Rooney, it's time to get ready - she said, setting down her empty cup. -A new day, can not be deprived of excitement. Excitement, which included fear, but curiosity.


	3. Just Electrified.

**Chapter 3**

_"This love starts my rollin train  
You can not stop it "_

She heard in the earphones well-known voice of Billy Idol. She smiled to herself. _If_ _everything could be_ _simple._ \- she thought. - _It's_ _j_ _ust a childish_ _crush_ _, mixed with curiosity_ _of this_ _day._ She remembered exactly the day when she saw for the first time - Cate Blanchett on the big screen - she was 13, and actress charmed her to the point that almost unreal is that now will be playing at her side.

_Dreams come true, although_ _I_ _should be afraid of them._ \- she thought, starting the car.

_"I robbed the devil of love  
All right  
Cradle of Love  
If you __teaze_ _me tonight_  
If you sleaze me all right  
If you appeaze me tonight  
And let me ease you  
Cradle of Love "

She smiled to herself, hearing so well-known words. Her imagination quickly headed for the kiss with the actress who had once imagined. _"I robbed the devil of love"_ \- of course it is. She was charmed from the moment when she saw her on the big screen for the first time. _"If you_ _teaze_ _me tonight ... And let me ease you ..."_ \- if only it could be real, she definitely do not thinking about it much. Even the fact that it is an another woman. Having her tight inside shoulders and ... Did not you bother what people say? She shook her head in disbelief, swearing to herself.

-Welcome, Rooney. - She heard and felt a hand on shoulder. She returned to the ground quickly, pulling out the earphones.

-Welcome, Todd. - She replied, smiling.

-How was your trip? - He asked.

-Quite well. I'll tell you that I even getting enough sleep. The lessons inflicted by you - worked, of course, but I would like to ask about a few things before we start rehearsals. - She said, looking around. Cincinnati welcomed her with a melting of snow and a slight frost. She wrapped her scarf tightly, agreeing with Todd, where they will have to see.

She checked into a hotel. The boy with the service brought her suitcase. The room was on the first floor. She looked around, smiling to herself. Now, this room will be a new home for her for the next few months. There were quite cozy. Dark wood paneling, large bed was by the window. The view from the window was simply fabulous, a lot of trees. It will be a place for walking. And another air immediately.

At the appointed hour, she went to a small coffee shop. In her hand she held a book in which she kept her notes and script. Already in the distance she saw her director, sitting at a table. She ordered coffee and sat down across from him.

-Cate will be soon here. I talked to her before. - He said with a smile, looking at her calmly. He knew that she would be the perfect person to play Therese Belivet. On his words, her heart beat faster.

-I'm a bit nervous. - She said, feeling the ascending red on her cheeks. The waitress brought them ordered coffee. She saw that Todd wanted to ask something, but she interrupted him. -Todd, I'm just wondering on the figure of Therese ... I think that in those days she was quite a brave person. She do not pay attention on what may the other people think. She not thought about whether she loves Richard, dispose of it as he only reminded her of going to Europe. At the request of Carol - she consented almost immediately, without looking at the consequences. Of course, she was enchanted by an older woman. She definitely was in love, when she asked Richard, "Have you ever fallen in love with a man, and heard about people _like this_?" But love does not choose, it just happens. No matter what the sex of people. Nowadays, one could say that Therese could be bisexual somehow. - Todd watched her carefully. He knew he was not mistaken. -Unfortunately, Carol had a harder decision ... - whispered Rooney and took a sip from her cup.

-Well here am I. - Suddenly they heard a low, soft voice with an Australian accent. Rooney's heart beat faster when she felt woman blue eyes on her.

-Welcome Rooney! I can finally meet you. Todd spoke highly about you, besides I am also impressed by your choices of the movies. - She said quickly, sitting next to the actress and pulling her to herself. Rooney flushed away.

-Welcome Cate! I'm pleased to be working by your side. - she whispered with difficulty, blushing even more. Cate smiled, seeing her embarrassment. So she just quickly changed the subject. -What you two discuss before I came?

-The main topic was a about Therese and courage of those two. - The director said quickly, unable to look away from the two main actresses sitting opposite him.

-As I understand, you mean the courage to live by self? - She asked, brushing a strand of blond hair by her ear.

Rooney sitting next to her was mesmerized. She absorbed by the warmth from the actress, her every movement and tone of voice. A voice that pierced her small body. She could not hide the surprise and excitement. Maybe it's just a dream, and as soon as she wakes up. But it was not a dream. She pinched her hand and said quietly.

-I asked Todd, what he thought about the form of Therese. In their own way of beating her unusual strength. She does not think about the consequences. The fact that Richard loves her and wants to spend life with her, planning a trip to Europe. Therese is not convinced of all this. She feels that it is suffocating and can not be realized herself. - She said, and suddenly the scene from two months ago stood before her eyes. Similarly she is arguing with her boyfriend. She choked up now, feeling that her locks. She could not be forced to live like before, but what was the main reason? Her heart stood for a moment, when she realized that she'll intensive looking at Cate Blanchett face, sitting next to her. She sighed, returning to the lost thoughts. -On the proposal by Carol, she agreed immediately. She just jumped into it right away, without thinking about the social consequences.

-Carol was too afraid, otherwise she had more to risk. - said the older women. -The child will be always in the first place for every mother. Carol was just between the one who loved and of course, a marriage which for a long time isn't it. She loved Therese from the bottom of her heart, but she also do something more than Richard did - she allowed Therese to realize herself. She can't left her empty-handed, she just only helped her - buy the camera, forcing her to move on with it and fulfill her dreams. - She said, glancing at the director and the girl sitting next to. -Everyone relationship should be like their, I guess.

_Oh God, she is just a cute woman._ Cate was surprised but she quite well knew - _There was something elusive and compressive_ _of my_ _heart_ _when I looked at her_ _. -_ thought the blonde, watching observe, green eyes. _A_ c _ourage? -_ She asked herself. _-_ _If_ _everything could be_ _simple._ \- she thought.

The phone rang and Todd left them for a moment . However, he had to go back to the movie plan .

Rooney felt how her throat grip. She can't talk for a moment, just only tried to finish her coffee. She felt the blue eyes watching her carefully.

-Well, it's our first day. Would you mind to have a dinner with me? We can talk a little more if you like. -Cate asked with a some tension in her voice. The black hair girl just smiled.

-Yes! I would love to. - she answered.

-Well you're just cute and interesting girl. 3 pm. is fine for you? - she asked and wink for her. Rooney looked at Cate. She was wearing a black blouse and a satin trousers cropped ankle with a black high heels. Her neck was decorated by a gold chain. Simple, but a classy.

-Yes it's fine. I will come for you. - said Rooney in a hypnotic trans.

-Don't you forget about something? -blond woman asked her with a shining eyes. Rooney felt how her cheeks must be more redish. -I stayed in the same hotel as you. Room 42 the first floor. So see you later, cutie pie.

She waved her hand and turned to her leaving the small coffee shop.

E _verything happens too fast_ _. -_ younger woman thoughts, but she can't stop her heart beating quicker with two tones. - _You'll have your day of truth._ She knew that _s_ he was just electrified by Cate Blanchett.


	4. Free your mind.

**Chapter 4**

_"What a strange girl, she is?"_ \- Cate thought walked into her hotel room. She brushed her blonde hair behind the ears. _Rooney has a very smart, intensive green eyes. She was just ashamed - but how adorable she looks with those reddish cheeks. Oh God, I can't remember when I had a feelings like this before. Maybe, the same was when I just met Andrew. -_ she thought. Suddenly, she remembered their last argue. For how long time it wasn't well between them, just she only knew. Of course they tried to fight for their marriage, but now she thought, it was too late for that. In her face we can notice extremly sad. She rubbed her forehead and breath almost hysterically. _-God damn you, what should I do now? -_ she asked aloud, feeling the tears running down her face. She was convinced that if she focus on work - she could be able to cut off from bad memories. Unfortunately, she was wrong.

_No! No, no! Cate, you should brace up! -_ she whispered. _-You just have a lot things to do. Just focus on it! Maybe you need more time. Well, in my situation, any time which I'm spending outside my home - should be depurative. And that girl... I'm just curious how it will be._

_Gosh, what a woman am I - don't think and talk too much - just keep move on and be ready on time!_

* * *

Rooney stood before her wardrobe only in the towel. Drops of water ran down from her wet hair.

She felt a slight anxiety and excitement. She felt at the moment, like a small child who dreamed so long for that one gift, and today is the day which receive it.  
She looked through the clothes, not being quite sure what she should wear. She choose the classics. She founded material pants in black-and-white checkered, snow-white shirt and black jacket. For the complete set up black, leather oxfords.  
During drying hair, she put a gently make up, and when her hair dry - she updo them in a small bun.  
She was ready. She sighed loudly, looking up on her wirstclock.  
_-_ _Well, I hope that I'm looking good_ _._ _Gosh, why a_ _m_ _I_ _nervous, like a little child_ _?_ \- She said. She had a thousands of conversations with the actress, but only in her mind. This time the excitement prevailed. At this time feeling that harbored was similar to the one which everyone of us had before the first date with your dream person.

_Time for me_ \- she thought. She closed the door of the room and headed for the room Cate. She stopped in front of the door, loud breathing. _No matter, what happenes._ _  
_

She knocked softly and closed her eyes just involuntarily.

* * *

Cate heard a knock at the door.  
-I'll be there for a minute. - she shouted back, hastily assuming a black blouse. Nervously she smoothed the cloth skirt and opened the door. She gaze on the face Rooney. She still had her eyes closed. Cate smiled, surveying from top to the bottom on her clothes. _What a classy style! Just simple, classic and charming. She is looking just adorable._ \- She thought. Suddenly, Cate felt a surge of confidence and before she could bite her tongue, she heard her own clearly voice.  
-I hope that your dream was coming true. - she said, with a laugh in her voice. Rooney jumped hearing her voice and immediately blushed. Cate laughed. -What an unusual girl. Are we going? I'm starved. - She added with a coquettish voice, catching her surprised look.  
-Yes. Excuse me ... Let's go. - dark-haired actress replied quietly and fixed her eyes on the floor. Cate closed the door to her room and went to the elevator. Rooney looked at her back for a long time. She was like in transe.

_It's like a dream. Like a dream._ \- She thought. _In t_ _his dream you two have a long and passionate kiss_ \- added a small voice.

Cate entered the elevator and laughed softly.

-Hey slowpoke, what is going on with you? - she asked, holding down the closing door. She liked her embarrassment. It made her even more sweet. She smiled, _if you do not draw the typical Australian humor, or talk about even worse things which happened in_ _my_ _house - it will be a very nice, almost magical evening._ She looked at the girl standing next to her. She had to break the silence.

-Well Rooney. Finally we will have the opportunity to spend some time together. Todd spoke very highly of you. I do not blame him - completely. You have a gift. It's very easily to feel your emotions in the empty room. Do not be afraid, I do not bite. Just ask for what you want. What would you say to have "a little after" the lunch time? - she asked, smiling. She had a bottle of wine in the room.

-Oh, forgive me. I do not know why am I so nervous. - the actress whispered. -I'm glad and of course I'm into for moving our conversation in a less formal place after our dinner. I have a lot of questions about our characters in Carol, but of course we do not have to talk only about work. - she added with more confidence.

The elevator doors opened, and Cate put her hand on the another woman waist, she felt like a younger girl shuddered. Slim, blonde woman just only wanted to leaned over her. Suddenly, she whispered in her ear.

-Just enjoy this evening!

Rooney noticed how she winked at her. In the answer - she smiled with a confusion. _Exactly._ _Just free_ _your mind._


	5. Grin and Bear.

**Chapter 5**

Note:

I worked like crazy at this chapter. I know that everybody of that story are straight. I really don't want to offend anybody. Just it's my crazy imagination. I would love to big thanks all Carol team for just an amazing and breathtaking movie. I fell in love completely.

My readers - don't be shy. Please send to me what do you think about it and if you will like.

Hope that you'll like it. Please enjoy.

* * *

Rooney sat at a table and looked straight into blue eyes of the elder woman. She grinned immediately.  
 _I'll wake up in the morning and everything will be_ _just a_ _dream._ _She_ _guess that I always dreamed about it._ \- the dark-haired actress thought, shaking her head in disbelief.

She noticed that Cate looked in the menu. She just wants to use another woman inattention for looked at her hands. They were slender, long. Short nails, without any polish.  
 _I like her hands. I wonder how delicate is_ _h_ _e_ _r_ _skin. If_ _I could_ _only accidentally touch her hand ...  
_  
Rooney closed her eyes for a moment, trying to calm the _"strange"_ thoughts inside her head. She tried to focus on the menu, lying in front of her.

-Hey, slowpoke! Did you choose something? I'm starved. - Cate said softly, a little coquettishly, staring intensely into her eyes.

-Not yet. Certainly not anything "heavy". Maybe some pasta and a glass of wine. - she replied, smiling. Pleasant warmth spreading through her body. _This is all by her presence ..._ Suddenly she felt Cate's hand on her. Her heart sped madly. _Is sh_ _e reads my mind?_ \- she asked herself, and looked at their hands. Cate lightly gripped her hand. Rooney noticed that Cate smiled barely noticeably - only with the corners of her lips, and the smooth eye of the observer would have noticed an unusual tension between those two.

The waiter came over and took their orders. The silence was not uncomfortable. Rooney sighed and said.

-Well, Did you miss the boys, right? - asked.

-Of course, boys are my treasure. We call each other very often. - said elder woman with a smile, but Rooney could noticed a shadow of sadness in the blue eyes.

-They should be wonderful. - Rooney said, and before she could bite her tongue she added. -Well just like their mother. - She felt how her cheeks burned immediately.

-I'm flattered. - Cate said, sipping a glass of wine. Blush on the cheeks dark-haired girl was ravishing.

Time passed. Both ladies chatted at best - a little about themselves, a little less interesting issues, also about work on the film.  
Cate seemed to forget the sorrow hosted in her heart not long ago.

They paid the bill and slowly went to the elevator.

-I spent a very nice evening. - said Rooney, passing Cate in the door of the elevator.

-Oh, I also. You're just a wonderful girl. I do not doubt that we will be pleased to have worked together.

Silence. Just for a moment they stared at each other eyes.

-Maybe you care for a longer chatting with a good wine? - Cate asked, looking at the girl with higher interest.

-If You do not have other plans, of course, yes. - she said with a smile.

_Wonderful - just wonderful._

* * *

Cate has opened the door to her room and let Rooney inside. She smiled to herself. She did not think that she such a rest mentally. She felt that she could tell this actress everything.

Before her eyes stood the scene where she kept her hand in the restaurant. _Those girl has hot skin, soft to touch._ Her heart was beating faster. _I don't remember when I feel so comfortable and relaxed near by somebody's side. Near by her side._

_Todd_ _, you_ _bastard, you were right, that_ _only_ _she can play Therese. Anyway, as you can_ _clearly_ _see Cate_ _, there is a something special between you two_ _.  
_ When she returned to the room, taking wine and glasses - Rooney sat in a chair opposite the window

-Nice view. - She said quietly. They pour a wine into the glasses and looked at each other.

-Did you miss Charlie? - Cate asked, out of nowhere and took a sip from the glass.

-No. - Rooney replied and looked at her in surprise. _So_ _it was time_ _now_ _for a serious conversation?_ Previously they talked mainly about the film and co-operation. Cate tried to convince her that she should tried more at theater roles. According to Cate, she had this predisposition, and elder woman warm words has put her in embarrassment, but immeasurable joy.  
They discussed much about the creation of characters, in which movie, both woman will take part. She felt watching blue eyes on her.

-I don't miss him. I like to live alone. Well I do not need to have constant contact with another human. We broke up because we could not longer to find a common agreement.

Charlie could not understand my excitement about this project. I just wanted to prepare and focus on it as well. Besides, as you well know - Cate, if you have a calendar of deadlines and none of them does not match to the another person. It is difficult to maintain a relationship in check, and the phones can't be enough, unfortunately. But your marriage certainly is doing well. You have wonderful children, and you and your husband are doing what you love. Do you have some magical method for this? - Rooney replied honestly, looking at Cate intently.  
Cate sipped wine, but she looked away. Rooney could notice an extreme sadness in the blue eyes. She stopped herself quickly.

-Cate ... I'm sorry, I ... - she stuttered. The view of the elder woman clutched her heart. -I'm sorry ... If I could somehow help you...

The blonde looked straight into her eyes. She tried to smile slightly. Pretend that everything is just fine, but she could not.

_"Grin and bear,_ _just_ _grin and bear" How much_ _time_ _can you live like that?_ \- She thought. _I can no longer pretend that everything is fine._

Maybe it was the large amount of alcohol consumed or perhaps by the fact that she felt with someone so freely - it doesn't makes a difference for her.  
 _I am a mother, I love my boys, but he ..._ She felt inner pain. They had a wonderful marriage and wonderful time ... No one knew that her husband has a big problem with alcohol. He tried to cure, fight for her, but after the last row - he came frenzy. She told him that she was leaving earlier than she had been thought. The image stood clearly before her eyes. She started to cried softly. She couldn't longer lie.

* * *

Rooney can't move. Inside her veins she felt those pain of a woman sitting across her.

-Cate ... - She whispered softly. She heard quiet sobs. The greatest actress of recent times, sat in front of her completely naked. Not in this sense. Emotionally. Elder woman does not pretend. She was herself, she was so delicate ... -If I could help you... - Rooney said, walking over her and touching her shoulder. She felt how much woman's body trembling under her hand.

-Cate... - Rooney whispered softly, sitting down next to her and hugging.

Cate tried to calm down. She wiped the tears trickling down her face. -It is a very hard time for me, Rooney. - she said quietly, her voice breaking. -I do not want to pretend anymore. I can not live like this anymore. You asked me today about the Carol Aird - I could imagine her clearly and I feel her. I ... - she stopped for a while and took a sip of wine from her glass.  
 _Maybe she wanted to add courage_ _for herself_ _?_ \- thought the dark haired actress.

Cate knew what she may do. Her voice was too shaky. She couldn't talk more. Elder woman got out of bed and took off her blouse, throwing her to the floor.

At first Rooney eyes widened with surprise, unable to comprehend the situation.  
 _I'm about to go crazy. My heart leap out of_ _my_ _chest._ \- she thought, but suddenly, in the dim light - she saw bruises on the woman's body.

Cate quiet voice pierced the silence which separates them.

-My husband has problems with alcohol. He tried to fight for us, went to therapy. When Todd called me and asked me to come before the time - I agreed immediately. I wanted to focus on the role, and bearing in mind my three sons, my husband and his therapy, and the problems that were happening between us for a long time ... I thought that it will not be a problem. I told him that it might be possibility that I would go there earlier. He came back late, he was furious and ... This was the first time. The first and last ... - she said quickly, her voice breaking. -I'm glad that the boys were at my mother's place. - she said, and sobbed quietly.

Rooney jumped up from the bed and went to her. Her heart was squeezed and broke into a thousand tiny pieces. _This wonderful woman and ..._ She did not want to know what happened next. The worst scenes of "Girls with the Dragon Tattoo" stood in front of her eyes.  
She did not know what to do, did not know what to say. Deep down under her pale skin - she knew that every word will be inopportune.

She took woman's face in her hands, trying to look deep into blue eyes. By fingertips she is trying to wipe away all the tears. _Sometimes gestures mean more than any words._ \- Rooney thought, pulling the woman tightly. In the answer she could feel how tightly Cate's hugged her body.

The smell of her peachy skin acted on Rooney magnetically. This closeness ... She could not restrain on her voracious hands. Slowly she slid them up on elders woman back. _She's so d_ _elicate, soft_ _and smooth._ _-_ Rooney thought, feeling trembling arms of the another woman. Cate was extremely slim.

Suddenly she felt hot breath on her ear.

-I'm sorry, Rooney. - she heard a soft whisper. -I...

Rooney lifted her head and she felt incredibly hot breath on her lips. Their faces were divided by just a millimeters.  
The tension between them was almost unbearable. The girl put her finger on full, soft lips of the another woman, interrupting her in a whisper.

-Thank you for telling me. Just please to don't pretend more ... If I could only help you ... - she paused, looking straight into blue, sparkling eyes from crying.

-You - already do it. Roon ... - Cate said softly. She breathed uneasily, could not calm the rapid beating of the heart. Not only by stress, nervousness, and now this girl ... _She is so close_ _to me_ _..._ Cate closed her eyes. She had not expected that this evening unfolds so quickly. But she felt better, much better. As finally she threw off the shackles.

Rooney acted as like in a trance. The situation was quite frightening ... The Cate's words ... This whole situation. The hot breath and the warmth of longing body beside her. She did not think too much, and may the alcohol just hit her head.  
She felt like Cate watching her, leaning against the wall. She felt the intensity of her gaze. _If it was all so easy. If_ _s_ _he did not need me in some twisted way_ _, she_ _certainly would have pulled_ _it_ _away, but Cate did not make the slightest movement. As if waiting for mine. And I ... I do not think_ _straight_ _any more._ Rooney ran her hands over Cate's muscular stomach. The hot air of her breath, worked magically. She could not help herself.

She kissed Cate lips - gently, tentatively - losing in it completely. Just nothing mattered.

_"If she could answer... If she could..."_


	6. Uncertain

**Chapter 6**

 

* * *

_Her lips_ _on mine_ _..._ _So_ _soft, uncertain ..._ _My h_ _ands moving over her body. It was not a dream._ She did not think too much - she felt - she must answer on it. Cate inserts her hands into the dark hair of another woman. She drew her closer and responded to the kiss.

She could feel that her heart beating wildly. She could not control herself. This feeling moving of her body was too strong. Feeling - perhaps it's too big for any word. Certainly, it was in this kiss a curiosity, and a young woman intrigued her. Cate felt very good in her company.

The kiss awakened inside her something else. It is pulling an invisible strings of her soul - which immediately wanted this moment as long as possible.

She was getting heavier breathing, her heart was beating so fast, though it would immediately jump out of her chest. Kiss persisted, and voracious hands moved over their bodies.

_"Too fast. Do not you think this is too fast? "_ \- asked the little voice in her head. _"Oh, do not be ridiculous ..."_ \- she thought Cate - indulging in the moment.

Her fingers pin tighter into hair of another women. Cate encouragingly, parted her lips ... The tension between them was almost unreal. _Have you ever felt like a man?_ _-_ she asked herself. _-_ _Probably only with_ _my_ _husband_ _, of course_ _at the beginning ...  
_  
She felt like Rooney tongue intertwined with her own. _"Well, more and more bluntly and sensually ..."_ After a while Cate realized that her hands slipped a jacket from the arms of younger girl.

It was like a dream. She felt the tremor of her own body. She greedily catch her breath when Rooney lips move over her neck. She gave her completely. She felt a woman's tongue on a place in her neck, where you could feel the strongest of her frantic pulse. She could no longer suppress in herself, but she really liked it.  
Quiet, low moan from her throat, ran silence which reverberating in the room. Rooney did not stop, even for a moment . She bit into her neck, leaving a fine reddish mark.

-Please ... - Cate's moan pierced the silence. -Please ... Oh, Rooney! - she heard from afar her lower, husky voice. -Do not stop. - she added, but Rooney shook, hearing that pleading voice. _Cate wanted more._ \- she thought, and she could not control emotions. She tried to silence the rational voice in head - that it is too fast and she might not should do it ... Her insatiable hands moved up on Cate's back and sliding straps of lace black bra.

Cate suddenly felt hot breath of Rooney on her face. She looked straight into her green eyes. Eyes - which at the moment said more than words. Eyes - which were darker of these emotions.

-I Think ... - Rooney whispered hesitantly, breathing heavily. -That in this situation ... It does not befit ... - she paused, adding after a moment. -Cate ... After what you said ... I ... - she paused again, completely blushing.

Cate heart was beating like crazy. She saw clearly that flame in that green eyes. She knew what it meant. She just smiled and said, very low voice trembling with emotion.

-I know that this may be for you too fast, but ... - she paused and added quietly. - _I want you._ I do not know when, how, I simply _want_ _you_. Maybe it is not yet that wanted feeling, because it takes time and a better understanding, but ... I think you know what I mean. - She added, looking at her intently.

Rooney gulped loudly. The heart almost jumped out of her chest at those words. The air in the room, though it was rare - she knew it was an illusion, and the main reason shallower breathing is what had just happened and of course words of elder woman.

She noted, that Cate walked beside her, sliding along her skirt. She was wearing only thin black tights and a lace underwear. She took a straps of her bra by the hands and poured herself wine, stared at porcelain face of the younger actresses.

Rooney just opened her mouth. Her eyes taking in slim figure of another woman. As for one day it was definitely too much. She could not collect her thoughts. And certainly she had nothing to lose. Cate hands, her lips ... The smell and warmth of Cate body. For Rooney they were everything.

_Hey Patricia_ _, do not be a child,_ _could you refuse on your idol proposal_ _?_ \- She asked herself. _Maybe this busy, the busy woman is hungry for affection and devotion. This proximity that can not be described in words. Maybe_ _she is_ _so lonely, that ... But why you? Why just you, Rooney? And what will happen during the filming - if_ _timing could_ _appears the feeling, which was mentioned_ _by_ _Cate? What about her children and husband?_ She was confused.

She noticed how Cate also poured wine into glass. Do not durable. She leaned quickly the contents of the glass and looked boldly in the blue eyes which stared at her.

-Let come what may. - she whispered.

The blonde looked at her intently. Rooney came up to her in a trance, unable to calm the beating of her heart. She pulled her tightly. They kissed again, electrifying the heat pierced of the two women.

-Oh, Cate! - whispered Rooney, she was still uncertain of it all.

-Now is not time to think. - she heard lower, trembling voice. Cate took freely her face in her hands and looked in the eyes. -You will not trick me. - She added with a smile, kissing her on the forehead. Slowly, her lips moved over a porcelain face, and eager hands expertly buttoned white shirt.

Rooney has not struggled with her reasonableness. Emotions take up and counted only the here and now. Here and now, with Cate Blanchett.

They both knew perfectly well, that this night can't be over quickly. It was a real desire. Desire - which intensity is hard to put into words.  
In that one moment a small hotel room was everything. It was love, filled with lower breaths. The intensity of voracious hands and lips looking for each other.

All problems disappeared in one moment. There was only this one woman, her gorgeous body, heavier, jerky breathing. Quietly requests, breaths punctuated by low moans of pleasure. Tears, but only from luck.

It was dawn when both fell side by side on the bed, hugging with each other. Rooney laughed softly, and the laughter was music for the Cate ears. Both could not believe what had just happened.

They looked deeply into each other's eyes. They knew.

A sadness and loneliness - disappeared somewhere far away ... Certainly beyond the Cincinatti.


	7. Bonus Chapter

**Bonus chapter**

 

Note: My lovely readers - here it is - a bonus chapter. It's similar like 6 chapter but here it's just more explanations and desire ;)

Hope that you'll like it.

So please - enjoy! :)

* * *

Cate suddenly felt hot breath of Rooney on her face. She looked straight into her green eyes. Eyes - which at the moment said more than words. Eyes - which were darker of these emotions.

-I Think ... - Rooney whispered hesitantly, breathing heavily. -That in this situation ... It does not befit ... - she paused, adding after a moment. -Cate ... After what you said ... I ... - she paused again, completely blushing.

Cate heart was beating like crazy. She saw clearly that flame in that green eyes. She knew what it meant. She just smiled and said, very low voice trembling with emotion.

-I know that this may be for you too fast, but ... - she paused and added quietly. - _I want you._ I do not know when, how, I simply _want_ _you_. Maybe it is not yet that wanted feeling, because it takes time and a better understanding, but ... I think you know what I mean. - She added, looking at her intently.

Rooney gulped loudly. The heart almost jumped out of her chest at those words. The air in the room, though it was rare - she knew it was an illusion, and the main reason shallower breathing is what had just happened and of course words of elder woman.

She noted, that Cate walked beside her, sliding along her skirt. She was wearing only thin black tights and a lace underwear. She took a straps of her bra by the hands and poured herself wine, stared at porcelain face of the younger actresses.

Rooney just opened her mouth. Her eyes taking in slim figure of another woman. As for one day it was definitely too much. She could not collect her thoughts. And certainly she had nothing to lose. Cate hands, her lips ... The smell and warmth of Cate body. For Rooney they were everything.

_Hey Patricia_ _, do not be a child,_ _could you refuse on your idol proposal_ _?_ \- She asked herself. _Maybe this busy, the busy woman is hungry for affection and devotion. This proximity that can not be described in words. Maybe_ _she is_ _so lonely, that ... But why you? Why just you, Rooney? And what will happen during the filming - if_ _timing could_ _appears the feeling, which was mentioned_ _by_ _Cate? What about her children and husband?_ She was confused.

She noticed how Cate also poured wine into glass. Do not durable. She leaned quickly the contents of the glass and looked boldly in the blue eyes which stared at her.

-Let come what may. - she whispered.

The blonde looked at her intently. Rooney came up to her in a trance, unable to calm the beating of her heart. She pulled her tightly. They kissed again, electrifying the heat pierced of the two women.

-Oh, Cate! - whispered Rooney, she was still uncertain of it all.

-Now is not time to think. - she heard lower, trembling voice. Cate took freely her face in her hands and looked in the eyes. -You will not trick me. - She added with a smile, kissing her on the forehead. Slowly, her lips moved over a porcelain face, and eager hands expertly unbuttoned white shirt.

Rooney has not struggled with her reasonableness. Emotions take up and counted only the here and now. Here and now, with Cate Blanchett.

Cate smiled to her and sitting on the small table. Rooney could not resist a thin, black tights on a slim, long legs of THAT women. The dark-haired actress moved closer to Cate's body, unable to hide her lustful glances. She bit into her neck, leaving a red mark on soft, peachy skin. _I still can not believe that I touch her body. God_ _, she_ _has such delicate skin._ Rooney was embarrassed. I _never did it with a woman_ , _but at the moment there was no time to think._ She knew, how much she wanted Cate Blanchett, on until the first time when she had seen her on the big screen in the local cinema. At this one incredible moment she just could show her everything. She bit her lips on a blondes neck. Her tongue licked those smooth neck . _Oh w_ _ow, what an amazing pulse ... I_ _wonder if I could turn her on_? - thought the younger actress.

At the moment Cate hugged Rooney's small body with her long legs. _How does she do_ _it_ _?_ \- went through her mind completely unconsciously. She can not remember when she felt a desire like that one. Her blue eyes darken. On one side - her body wanted everything, in the other - this kind of waiting is the most exciting.  
 _When was the last time_ _when_ _she felt_ _like that with_ _her husband?_ Now just nothing mattered, only the younger woman. _I've never have thought that_ _I_ _could go to bed_ _with another woman_ _. In life they are_ _different things and different moments._ _Sometimes_ _we do not expect the situation_ _,_ _it just happens and ... and break our previous lives and thinking_ _in 180 degrees_ _._

She felt like Rooney moves tongue over her neck, slowly sliding her bra. She felt incredible shaking of her own body. Cate not attached to her own body so much attention, but now she felt completely abashment.

-Oh my, you look just beautifully. - Rooney stunned voice, pierced the silence. She felt her small hands moving all over her slim body. She completely surrendered to this moment. She wondered how this evening could turn out.

Rooney took her hand on Cate's boob. _God,_ _After three_ _births - she has a body like that_ _... I am delighted ... Enchanted. I'm not sure what I should do ..._ The pads of her fingers moved gently over Cate's body. Under her fingers Rooney felt a hardening nipple. Cate moaned lightly. Involuntarily Rooney smiled to herself, unexpectedly kissed full, soft lips of elder woman. Insistent tongue - did not wait for invitation. Cate responded almost immediately, pushing her hands into the hair of a younger woman. She could feel how delicate fingers touching her breasts. Her soft, throaty groan, pierced the silence. Rooney somehow slowly found herself in this situation.

-What do you want? - she asked directly in Cate's ear, breaking that intensive kiss. She could clearly hear that Cate's breath quickened. She could notice that her lips were redder than usual.

-You. - said the blonde woman. She is looking on Rooney's body with a poignant eyes. After a while, she took off Rooney's bra, dropping it to the floor behind them.

-I've never looked like that. - Cate whispered, gently touching the milky skin of younger actress. Her small breasts, harden nipples, trembling, smooth body ... This flame in green eyes. She closed her blue eyes, feeling the growing excitement. Involuntarily she bit her lower lip.

Rooney felt same. She ran her hands up the thighs of Cate, feeling that embrance of her to slow down.  
-Rooney ... I beg you. - She heard a low moan. Rooney hands glided on to the inside of the thighs of blonde women. She wanted to feel it - how much she affects on the another woman. That was something new. Anyway, she didn't feel like this before with anyone. The fire ignited her from the inside, giving her a courage. When she felt a slightly wet tights and incredible warmth radiating from the black, lace underwear - she froze. The moan of the woman was everything to her. It was music. She could not take it anymore. She pulled an elderly woman body to her own - kissing passionately. Cate stood on her feet and felt Rooney's hands on her buttocks. She squeezed them lightly, hearing a Cate's sigh.

_She_ _has_ _Cate_ _only here and now._ _She_ _has_ _Cate_ _all_ _just only for her_ _self. Very strange feeling_ \- thought Rooney.

Efficient Cate's hands unbuttoned waistband of Rooney's trousers, after a while the younger actress stays only in her panties. Cate pulled her away for a moment and looked forward to the Rooney's body. _She was so beautiful, so delicate and ashamed._ She knew that this image she will keep inside her heart for a long time. She felt her heart clench, and breath dies, although she wanted to tell her something more previously.

Suddenly, their bodies stuck to each other. Feeling the weight of their breasts and heat radiating from their hungry bodies. Cate pulled Rooney next to the bed. _The bed_ _was quite large, certainly would fit_ _for_ _the two people_. - Thought the dark-haired actress. They kissed passionately. Their tongues intertwined in-awaited kiss, Rooney moved her hands to the inside of blonde thighs. This heat was indescribable. She gently moved her hands in a place where there was a material of Cate's lace panties.

She felt immediately how much she turn her on. She felt how Cate's slender body tremble under her touch. Without thinking, she slipped Cate's pantyhose. Now with the more attention - she could look up at her lacy underwear - the only clothing that was left on the Cate's body.

Rooney gently ran her fingers over the material and sighed loudly. An elderly woman was extremely wet, hungry for her touch. She shuddered at the thought. She could feel the pulsating heat under the material of her panties. _But not so fast ..._ \- Rooney thought and kinky smiled. She moved her lips on Cate's neck.

-Are you want me, am I right? - she asked into her ear, knowing full well what the answer is.

-Oh ... - she heard a soft, low moan. Rooney did not give up. Like a completely different person entered in her. -And how long could you waiting for pleasure? - she asked, tying slender woman's wrists by a belt of her own trousers.

Cate laughed in response.

-Gosh, it's a nice surprise! Do you like to be kinky? - she said with a husky australian accent, biting her lower lip. _I_ _n some places_ _waiting_ _has_ _some_ _advantages._

The fire in the green eyes flashed again. Cate could not hide the surprise by this whole situation. On the one hand, it was bad, because she has a husband, children, in the other she felt so incredible excitement and curiosity about this young woman.

-It depends, on who asks, miss Blanchett. - she said playfully, biting into Cate's neck again. Red mark flashed transfixed by the quiet moaning of elder women. Rooney could not wait anymore, she slid her lips down, slowly, stopping at Cate breasts and her slim, muscular stomach. Then she gently slid the last bastion - Cate's lacy panties. Suddenly she noticed that Cate has got a tattoo. On the lower abdomen she has the initials of her children and her husband. _Apparently, you were not so good_ _for her_ _..._ _She is a s_ _uch wonderful woman_ \- thought Rooney.

She ignored the bruises on Cate's body. What mattered now... She was here with HER.

Cate closed her eyes, feeling the lack of her own panties. She was completely naked, and bound wrists did not allow for any movement.  
She knew that Rooney will surely draw attention on her tattoo. That embarrassed her a little.  
Suddenly her thoughts rose higher. She felt like a girl's tongue slides along the inside of her thighs. After a moment she felt her delicate fingers.

_It's getting more interesting_ \- thought elder woman, giving herself completely in the hands of a younger woman. Cate was slightly embarrassed that she is so incredibly wet. Rooney did not stop touching her gently, in a place, where Cate was so wet and extremely hot.

-I want you ... I ... Oh, Rooney! - she heard from afar her low, begging voice. She began to struggle with the bonds. She wanted so badly to feel her fingers.

-Well, tell me what you want. - Rooney added, kissing her passionately on the lips.

-Fuck me. - Cate answered and Rooney could heard a low moan of blonde woman.

-Just only on your order. - she said, biting her shapely breast. Rooney just couldn't wait longer, she slid her finger into her. Rooney closed her eyes, that incredible feeling thrilled her own body. She gently moved her finger. _It was ... it was ... It's so amazing ..._ \- she thought, unable to break away from the another woman body, which smelled beguilingly. She acted completely intoxicated by this situation.

Cate moaned softly. -God, I beg you... Oh, please - harder ... - she heard. Rooney raised over her and sunk in her soft, hot lips. She added a finger, feeling how Cate bites her neck. How incredibly her slender body is trembling in anticipation of the only one thing. Rooney moved her fingers faster and faster. Efficiently. Not giving any respite for Cate.

Rooney touched her body by the other hand. Squeezed her nipples by lips. Suddenly she stopped, laughing softly.

-What are you... - Cate said and looked at her with surprise.

Rooney just smiled, adding softly.

-I'm convinced Cate, that you will not regret this night.

Her whisper was so charming. Just as charming are her lips, tongue and fingers, caressing her firmly to the last of the borders.

In the end, Cate felt that she needs to speak what she's expected with some surprising her - freedom. She wanted to slow down, and suddenly moved fingers or tongue to another place. She gave up to Rooney completely.

Rooney felt increasingly quivering flesh and muscle spasms of women body. She heard louder moans and desires. At one point she took off this belt from Cate wrists. She wanted to feel it completely. Cate clung tightly to her body, her nails digging into Rooney's back. She was trembling. She moaned louder.

-Oh Rooney - please more. - It was for her ears song of joy. She did not give rest to her own fingers. _If you want harder ..._ She tried to add a third finger, Cate was so incredibly wet, that she could not change that decision. Suddenly she heard a scream of pleasure. Rooney didn't want to know how her back look after Cate's nails. Trembling body of elder actress arched, she looked straight into her green eyes. That's that. She was not Carol in a thousands of places, but Cate. For that one moment - Her Cate.

Rooney saw tears running down on Cate's reddish cheeks. She could not hide how much her heart ached. Only she kissed her on the lips.

-Sweetheart. Ciiii. Please, do not cry. - she said softly, hugging her trembling body to her own.

-Rooney, It was so amazing, I ... - blonde whispered through tears. They hugged tightly, persevering into this moment. This moment who disappeared.

When calmed their quivering emotion, Cate put her fingers on Rooney lips.

-Rooney - my angel flung out of space.

One thing was certain, this night couldn't over quickly.

-Rooney, this night will not end soon. I hope you know that. - Cate added in a very aussie accent and laughed softly. She felt inside, that her soul wanted to jump, but this time those green eyes were all over the world. Her world.


	8. Katharsis

**Chapter 8**

The dark-haired actress opened her eyes. She rubbed her sleepy eyes, feeling the incredible heat of naked body next to her. She turned on the bed and looked up slowly at sleeping blonde woman.

The past night and dawn just slowly moved before her green eyes. After all, she could not still believe what just happened. _This desire was amazing ... Have you ever felt that with Charlie?_ It was hard to tell...

She bit her lower lip, indulging in memories. _Cate was softer_ _and extremely hot._ _She_ _has_ _incredibly soft skin._ Cate asked a lot, she waited for her answer, what Charlie just never did. Sometimes she pretended before him, that it is wonderful ... It reminded her of their last time, where after all - she cried. At that thought, she winced.

Suddenly in her head she sounded quite familiar lyrics of a song:

_"Last night a little angel Came pumpin on my floor_  
She said, "Come on baby I got a license for love  
And if it expires pray help from above "

_Because!_  
_In the midnight hour she cried- "more, more, more"_  
_With a rebel yell she cried- "more, more, more"_

She smiled to herself, looking intently at the sleeping actress. _Surely I should not have remorse. It was so amazing._ \- she thought. _It_ _is_ _hard to think_ _now_ _. What_ _will be_ _next? What will_ _be with_ _Cate_ _'s husband_ _?_ \- Rooney thought, looking at bruises on Cate's body. _How could he? How can_ _he_ _could_ _raise_ _d_ _a hand to such a wonderful woman ..._ She was coming over her agitation. _What about her children? Do the children have accepted the choice of_ _their_ _mother_ _? Of course, when this_ _feeling_ _could be born to me and Cate?_ _That feeling,_ _which mentioned_ _by_ _Cate_ _yesterday._ She has got a complete mess in head, but this time it was not so important.

This affection which gave her the blonde woman... She closed her eyes, remembering lower moans of Cate. Later, it wasn't so quiet ... Billy Idol and his recipe for love.

_"I'd give you all, and have none, babe  
Just, just, justa, justa to have you here by me "_

She felt like a small child, who got awaited gift. She wanted to scream, laugh, cry ... She could not control her emotions.

Suddenly, her phone rang. She cursed quietly, springing out of bed. Scattered clothes on the floor, did not help with finding that annoying object. - _Trousers._ \- The girl thought, running and lowering the tone. She turned, but Cate slept peacefully.

-Uff. - She thought, and breathed a sigh of relief. She looked at the screen of the phone. The hour froze her. It was after 10 am. Three text messages and a phone call from the director. She swallowed loudly. _-_ _God, if he could notice something?_ \- She thought, but quickly shook her head in disbelief.

The first message: _"Hi Rooney, I hope I did not wake you. I would like to meet with you_ _,_ _Cate and Ed_ _today_ _. We have a lot to discuss_ _._ _"_  
  
Another: _"Is 10:30 can it be?"_ She swore softly. We must be there within half an hour ?!

And the last: _"_ _Just l_ _et me know,_ _waiting for your reply_ _."_

- _Oh my God! Oh my God! What_ _should I_ _do?_ \- Thought Rooney. She could felt cold, by the wooden floor. _Cate sleep so sweet, I could not ... At the moment_ _she notice a_ _smile on_ _blonde woman_ _lips. Well, how_ _could_ _I wake her up?_ \- She asked herself. _Rooney,_ _just_ _start thinking_ _-_ she whispered _._  
  
_First_ _of all I need to_ _order breakfast, then call back to Todd and_ _clean a little bit that room_ _, because_ _the clothes_ _scattered around_ _-_ _speak for themselves._

* * *

Cate sat in a dressing gown and drinking coffee. Wet hair framed her face. _"This night."_ \- She thought, smiling and looking at Rooney, sitting across from her.  
_"The first time I betrayed_ _my_ _husband - should_ _I_ _have a_ _remorse_ _, right?_ \- She asked herself, but she did not feel them. Not after what she went through recently ... She still pretending, even to herself, that everything is fine, but there wasn't ... Now she is more mature - she knew that between them can't be good anymore. By his side just held her - only their children and some strange attachment, she could not get rid of. His continuous, improvement promises made her vomit. Intermittent therapy, he used on her a psychological intimidation. Sex with him can't be exciting for a long, long time too... Where it was good - she can not remember.

She looked at the dark-haired actress, she smiled. Her green eyes sparkled joyfully, and when she saw a look Cate - her cheeks blushed. _"Curiosity_ _and_ _excitement ... Yes, exactly._ How many times media insinuated her relationships with women? Even she did not want to think about. The first time someone listened to her supplications. Someone tried to show her just another way. When she just begged Rooney for more - she can clearly remember her own moans. This night was everything ... For her - it was everything. A strange catharsis of the soul, after which - she was finally fulfilled. Sorrows slowly faded into oblivion, but weighed her one important question - _"What next?_ "

Silence was broken by a tiny voice of Rooney.

-I hope you sleep well. - she said, blushing.

-After the long time - so well, my Dear. I guess I've never felt better. - she said with a smile.

-Cate ... - said Rooney, looking intently on her face. -Your eyes sparkle ... It's different than yesterday and ... - she paused, staring at the floor. Cate in response took her smaller hand. _"Her r_ _edd_ _ish_ _cheeks was_ _so_ _charming_."

-I feel much better. Just thanks to you! - she said, and glanced at her watch. -You know, that Todd will kill us, if we do not hurry. - she said with a laugh. -Maybe he guess? - she asked, not expecting an answer. -Rather nothing of that, my Dear Rooney. Todd is specific. He will be so preoccupied with the visual envelope and throughout the film, that even would pay attention. As a director, he is simply wonderful. Anyway, you'll see after the long-knowledge. - she said, and smiled warmly at her.

_"_ _Just time_ _could_ _tell everything"_


	9. Porcelain Doll

**Chapter 9**

In a nearby cafe was already two men. They discussed, comparing a pictures with each other. One of them featured a photograph of Saul Leiter, which was presented to the man. Photo was taken through the glass of store site. It was winter, so glass vapoured by the interior heating. Next to the photographs on the table we can see also some pictures. Mainly Edward Hooper - _"Automat"_ and _"New York Movie"_.

Their conversation stopped by a silent, feminine laugh.

-Sorry, gentelman that you had to wait for us. - Cate said with an Australian accent, still with a laugh in her voice. -We discussed with Rooney to the middle of the night. - she added hanging her coat in nearby wooden hanger. She looked at green eyes of a girl, standing next to her. She had a red cheeks, probably by the freeze air. Rooney quickly took off her coat and sat down next to Todd. Cate took place next to Ed Lachmann.

-Well... That's that. - added blonde. -It's about this you want to talked with us? - she asked. Her blue eyes stopped at the photos scattered on the table. Cate caught one of them. -I like this one.

Silence.

Director looked carefully on both women. He could not hide his pride. He knew perfectly well that in these roles - they will be just perfect.

-Wow! I noticed that between you two is this magical chemistry. I couldn't make a mistake! We wanted - with Ed - to talk with you about the visual concept of the film. But first some information. - he stopped, sipping coffee and after a moment, he added. -Tomorrow has come Sandy Powell together with her people. The next day, will be the rest of the cast and team. First cold rehearsal will be in the evening, and then we get to work. For everyone I've already prepared some schedules. - Todd said and took out them from the folder.

All four focused on the conversation. Ed talked about the camera, which will give the effect of grain. A 16 mm model.

Rooney stared at pictures on the table. She heard a low, Australian accent, which a few hours earlier, begged her for more. She felt like her stomach squeezes. For a moment she apologised them and went to order coffee. Her heart was beating madly. She tried to focus on what they said. The main subject was very important. Rooney knew after "Far From Heaven", that Todd certainly did a visual beautifully film. When she noticed that the photos will be doing - Ed Lachmann she was unable to hide her happiness before Charlie. Her thoughts circled around _that night_. Her green gaze focused on Cate, her gestures and blue eyes. Her husky tone of voice was like music.

-For you, Lady? - overheard resonant voice that beckoned her to the ground.

-Two cup of cappuccino, please To that table. - she said quickly, paid and sighed loudly. _Rooney,_ _I_ _b_ _eg you - just focus_ _!_ -she thought and went back into her place.

-Cate, you look delightfully today - added Ed, looking at her.

-Thank you. It's probably merit by a long conversation with Patricia. - Cate replied, winking to her significantly. - You know, that woman chatting.

Rooney hearing this, blushed immediately.

-I ordered for you a coffee. - she gasped and sat up quickly next to Todd. She felt abashment. She just quickly lowered her gaze onto the table and started to sort photos by tone of color and the similarities. She did not expect _that night_ captivate her so quickly. The argument that _"_ _it's_ _only_ _a_ _childish_ _crushed"_ disappeared somewhere far away. For her, everything has changed.

_Maybe_ _Cate_ _was motivated by_ _hedonism_ _._ _All-encompassing_ _desire_ _,_ _loneliness_ _,_ _a_ _variety_ _of_ _adversities_ _,_ _which_ _had_ _to_ _face_ _every_ _day_ _._ _Travel_ _,_ _theatre_ _,_ _film_ _,_ _kids_ _,_ _h_ _ouse_ _._ _._ _._ _Her_ _husband's_ _alcoholism_ _._ _It_ _was_ _hard_ _to_ _comprehend_ _it_ _all_ _and_ _pick_ _up_ _together_ _._ _Cate_ _is_ _certainly_ _a_ _strong_ _woman,_ _hard_ _walking_ _on_ _the_ _ground_ _._ _But_ _her_ _tears_ _._ _Cate can't pretend_ _yesterday_ _by_ _her_ _._ _Cate was herself_ _._ _She_ _was_ _tired_ _of_ _constant_ _stress_ _._ _She_ _was_ _tired_ _of_ _the_ _lack_ _of_ _fight_ _from_ _her_ _husband_ _._ _She_ _missed_ _children_ _._ _Her_ _marriage_ _was_ _hell_ _._ _And_ _somewhere_ _in_ _all_ _of_ _this_ _was_ _a_ _new_ _project_ _._ _It was the movie_ _and_ _it_ _was her_ _._ _It_ _was_ _also - this_ _night_ _._ _And_ _dawn. And_ _morning_ _._ _Incredibly_ _soft_ _Cate's skin_ _and_ _her_ _lust_ _._  
  
Suddenly she stopped breathing and her heart stood for a moment, when she realized one thing.

_Cate_ _wanted_ _her_ _._ _Desire_ _her_ _!_ _For_ _each_ _request_ _of_ _that_ _night_ _,_ _in_ _every breath_ _\- she_ _was_ _._ _She was u_ _nable_ _to_ _refuse_ _her_ _._ _The_ _smell_ _of_ _Cate's_ _skin_ _work_ _amazing_ _on_ _her_ _._ _This_ _desire_ _for_ _intimacy_ _in_ _her blue_ _eyes_ _._ _This_ _shaking_ _of_ _her_ _slim_ _b_ _ody_ _._ _._ _._

Rooney recalled the moment when she felt _her_ for the first time. The moment in which - they were one. Quiet unconscious "wow"- came out of her mouth. After a while, she realized that she said it out loud, and her hands move on at one of the photos.

_Quickly_ _made_ _your_ _mind_ _on_ _the_ _right_ _track_ _._ _-_ Rooney thought.

The waitress brought her ordered to the table.

-Do you like this picture, Rooney? - she heard a warm voice of Todd.

-Yes. A little as if you were an observer and entering in someone's life through a camera lens. If you infringe the privacy of these people. Sometimes the picture is enclosed in a frame, for example, through the car window or glass. - she responded quickly and sip a coffee.

-She is _The_ _True_ _Therese_ _._ \- Todd said with pride in the voice and hugged her tightly. -You not even know, how glad I am, that you accepted this role. I could not imagine any other person alongside Cate Blanchett. - he added.

Cate gaze to those green eyes. She took a blonde curl from her forehead and said low voice.

Voice shaking with emotions.

-You do not make a mistake, Todd. She is completely captivating.

* * *

Cate closed the door of her room and sighed deeply. All day were full to the brim. Rooney taught to play the piano. Ed, along with some of his assistant showed Patricia how to deal with an analog camera. They had an exercises of vocal emission together with Rooney . In the 1950s they talked in another way, different taking a breath.

Yes, she spent with Rooney some time alone, but today it was not too much.

When they part with each other. She can not be able to resist and kissed Rooney on the lips, pressing her tightly to her own body.

The silence in the room this time not opress her. In the end she need some time to rethinking everything.

_This_ _night_ _._ _She n_ _ot_ _repented_ _her_ _,_ _nor_ _for_ _a_ _moment_ _._ _She just_ _liked_ _that_ _Patricia_ _took_ _the_ _lead_ _._ _She d_ _id_ _not_ _expect_ _that_ _is_ _all_ _could_ _excitement her so much_ _._ _She was embarrassed_ _._ _She_ _do_ _not_ _think_ _that_ _she_ _could_ _ever_ _go_ _to_ _b_ _ed_ _with_ _a_ _woman_ _, b_ _eing_ _married_ _and_ _a_ _mother_ _of_ _three_ _children_ _._ _She_ _liked_ _woman_ _, b_ _ut_ _more_ _emotionally_ _._ _She_ _could_ _fall_ _in_ _love_ _in_ _emotionally_ _way_ _in_ _the_ _another_ _woman_ _._ _Anyway_ _,_ _she_ _was_ _b_ _rought_ _up_ _in_ _the_ _h_ _ouse_ _,_ _where_ _there_ _were_ _two_ _strong_ _women - her_ _mother_ _and_ _her_ _grandmother_ _._

As soon as she saw Rooney for the first time on screen she liked girls with a contract beauty. Green eyes with a cool gaze, black hair, porcelain skin.

_"_ _She_ _looked_ _like_ _a_ _fragile_ _doll_ _. "_ \- Cate thought, smiling to herself. _Her_ _small_ _,_ _soft_ _b_ _ody_ _._ _I_ _liked_ _her_ _b_ _reasts_ _._ _Laughter_ _and_ _tone_ _of_ _voice_ _._ _Her_ _fingers_ _._ _._ _._ __  
  
She remembered clearly, when she felt them for the first time. A shiver ran, through after her body, along the spinal column.

Cate run a bath and came to the mirror. She removed her makeup and took off her scarf from the neck. The reflection of the red marks on her neck was so clearly - the residue after a lustful night. Blonde woman took off her clothes and poured wine to glass.

Hot water on her skin. She definitely needs it.

_It wasn't planned_ _._ _She_ _wanted_ _only talk to Patricia first_ _._ _From_ _the_ _b_ _eginning_ _,_ _she_ _felt_ _that_ _she_ _could_ _tell_ _her_ _everything_ _._ _She_ _knew_ _that_ _Rooney_ _is_ _trustworthy_ _and_ _discreet_ _._ _Business_ _with_ _her_ _husband_ _,_ _weight heavily on_ _her_ _.  
_  
In _Carol_ they need to play very emotionally. Have show infatuation and love. She do not want to pretend, that her life is so wonderful. Her eyes rested on bruises on her own body. How could he?

She remember perfectly well, how she went to a psychiatrist to talk about the progress of her husband on the therapy. Of course, she could not notice a details. Frequent departures didn't help her, but her mother have proved invaluable.

The joint forces was the picture of her husband. The outline of his behavior.

_The_ _diagnosis_ _was_ _just_ _one - Othello syndrome_ _._  
  
She remembered clearly that when they worked together in the theater, or out to meet with somebody - their relationship was almost perfect. He shined in the company, praising his wonderful wife.

Sometimes his alcoholism will exacerbated. It did not help pouring alcohol or hiding it from him.

Obsession turned into a manic need of control her, which was almost unbearable. Phones, text messages with threatening and arguments. Rowing and strife once again. If she slept with someone, that surely someone with his close friends. He thought that her contacts with his close friends couldn't be only in the social way, but and only sexual.  
He continuous check her. He search in her body any detail. Roughly enforce that she should admitted to guilt.

She did not tell him where she goes now. She was afraid that he could find her. She just prayed that someone has not released set-pictures with the location and place of shooting.  
For mom and the kids she had a second phone number.

She couldn't live like that anymore. She drinks wine and she hid her face in her hands. _Short-lived_ _catharsis_ _of_ _my_ _soul_ _._ _._ _._

Her thoughts returned again to the young actress. She liked her. If between them could be born that feeling - she knew that her children will like it as well. Maybe a little harder they will understand it all, but . . .

She smiled to herself and she felt like her heart seizes on the same thought. If she wanted something new?

Rather not.

She wanted to feel that she is alive. She wanted to love someone. Love with the same response.

Her thoughts returned to the time ,when she was 10 years old. The last time when she saw her father.

Each of us are afraid of loss and loneliness. Everyone are afraid to come out of our own comfort zone and do something ,which could change the life of 180 degrees.

We just need a little bit of courage.

_-_ _I'm_ _not_ _afraid_ _._ _I'm_ _not_ _afraid_ _,_ _Rooney_ _._ \- Cate whispered softly.

_Not_ _afraid_ _anymore_ _._


	10. You Belong To Me.

**Chapter 10  
**

**Note: I did to this one chapter a lot of research. With photograph from the 50's and a lot of interviews with incredible and amazing Sandy Powell.**

**So please enjoy!**

* * *

_If the_ _sleep_ _could come_ \- she thought the dark-haired girl, shaking on the bed. She tried to sleep, but her thoughts were still to this evening kiss.

She remembered exactly how Cate pulled her tightly to her body. She touched by her hand Rooney's cheek and kissed her on the lips. No unnecessary words. Passionately. Insatiably. As if minion night was only the prelude. She answered right away. Their tongues. Hands.

Durable yet so for a moment and hugged tightly.

-Thank you, Patricia. - she whispered into her ear in Australian accent. -See you tomorrow. This day was really intense. - She added, stepping back and winking at her significantly.

-If something happened or I could help you to ...

-I know. - said the blonde woman and touching Rooney's cheek. -Good night, my Dear.

The door to her room shut down.

Silence.

She could not calm the mind. _What's next? And anyway - time will tell. Turning once again,_ _s_ _he swore softly. She liked_ _Cate's_ _voice, when_ _woman_ _pronounced her name. No Roon, not Rooney,_ _just_ _Patricia!_

-Fuck it! I will not fall asleep. - she murmured to herself.

The girl finally got out of bed and lit a small lamp. She sat down at the table, taking the script in her hands. Her green eyes looked at the text. "Lincoln Tunnel." Her heart beat faster.

After all, it will be easy to play Therese. Respond on Cate's play. But are we really going to play? She smiled. Just hard to say.

Her eyes moved to the passage where Phyllis Nagy described the look as Therese moves on Carol's stockings. That lover look. With Hungry eyes. Full of tension.

-As during the last night ... - she thought with a smile.

_"You belong to me."_

She closed her eyes and sighed loudly. Her lips. Her body. Her blue eyes, including one-awaited moment. When her body shuddered, stopped for a moment, bending the arc. And her eyes ... then saturated blue and tears ...

She tried to calm the restless mind. "God, Rooney! You're Perv! "

_"You belong to me ..._  
Maybe you'll be lonesome too  
And blue "

I _know perfectly well that Cate will have a really hard time. I can only and exclusively to support it. Husband, children ... Not only that continuous stress and fear it._

_"You belong to me,  
I'll be so alone without you. "_

Time.

* * *

A knock at the door.

The blonde opened her eyes, listening.

Further knock.

-Jesus Christ! I open for the moment! - she shouted back, assuming a bathrobe. Chill cold floor sobered her.

She opened the door.

Red-haired woman smiled radiantly, seeing a slender blonde. She was holding a tray with two cups of coffee.

-Sandy! You could not wait to see me? - Cate said in a low voice, letting the woman inside.

-Of course! We arrived in this morning. - She responded with a charming British accent, putting coffee on a small table. She sat in the same place where Rooney sat yesterday.

_Rooney ... Her heart_ _grip_ _ed. She could not hide from_ _her_ _self that_ _during the night - she just missed_ _Rooney._ _O_ _n the_ _bedding s_ _he_ _still_ _has her strong smell . It was quite a strange feeling. She tried to realize she had felt something similar_ _before_ _._  
  
-You don't will be download a measure for me, am i right? - she asked with amusement, parting the curtains. Frosty morning in Cincinatti greeted her gray mist.

-You know very well that after the last of cooperation does not have to. Designing clothes for you is my dream and a kind of fulfillment. You have the type of beauty that you can present in everything. But especially in "period movies." How with your boys?

Cate picked up her coffee and looked at Sandy. She did not like these questions.

-It's a long story. With boys well, recently they are in my mother place. Andrew didn't feel well - said the blonde, feeling the long, searching look of Sandy. Suddenly her blue eyes widened, realizing the situation. Her neck. These marks. _Anyway ... I do not back time. Anyway, it was worth it._  
  
-I just see, Cate. Is something going on? You seem to be absent.

-I'm absent, I have not drank coffee, Sandy. You came to me at seven o'clock in the morning, workaholic. - she said, and looked into her eyes in mock exasperation.

-And what about our Rooney Mara? Did you meet up?

The word "depth" flung her on the lips, but in a good moment, she bit her tongue.

-She is so charming girl. Anyway, you'll see, Sandy. - she responded with a smile and looked out the window.

-Of course, you're right. Her beauty type is contrasted. She's just like a porcelain doll. - Sandy added.

_"_ _A_ _Doll?" -_ _t_ _hought Cate, smiling to h_ _er_ _self. She remembered exactly her laughing green eyes, when nestled at each other, breathing hard. How do I go back to normal? Job. Cate_ _it's_ _simply - focus._  
  
Silence.

The blonde ran a hand through her hair. She drank coffee. Pleasant warm drink spilled over her body. She sighed softly and said boldly.

-Well, a lot of things isn't going well, Sandy. It could seems to you that I'm absent.

-I guess. Sometimes it is better not to inquire, right ?. - said the designer and looked straight into her eyes. Her next words interrupted by a knock at the door. Cate sighed.

-What the hell is wrong with those people from the morning? - She asked softly and rolled her blue eyes.

She opened the door and her eyes met with green gaze. She immediately smiled.

-You can not sleep? It's going well, because it is Sandy here. Oh and another coffee ... - she said, looking at her hands. -It will definitely be useful.

Rooney blushed.

-I ordered a breakfast for us. - she whispered quietly to the blondes and soon greeted with the designer.

-Well, I have you two. Just take your time and come to my place for an hour. We have a lot of work! Designs and costumes I'll show you them later. Todd also has to be with two or three people from make up. - said Sandy with verve in her voice and smiled to herself.

She noticed how Rooney looks at Cate.

She do not have to ask.

-I had a very shitty night. - dark-haired actress said softly after Sandy's leaving.

-I guess that you're not the only one. Sandy came to me before seven in the morning. You'll see that when it comes to work she's so adorable. She takes care of every detail. Anyway, you'll see today. - Cate smiled at her.

-I read a script yesterday. I could not sleep...

Patricia felt the blue gaze on her. Careful, long gaze. Cate opened her mouth to ask a question, but the young actress interrupted her.

-This scene when Carol with Therese driving by a car through the Lincoln Tunnel and Therese looks at her. I ... I know it's childish, but ... - she paused and looked at Cate's face. _Gosh w_ _ithout_ _any_ _makeup_ _\- she_ _looked beautifully._ _Red m_ _arks on her neck bore quite clearly. Sandy certainly had something to note. She had a sharp look._ _-_ I ... I know it's stupid, and you have a lot of your own problems, but ... At night I missed you. I had something to take my mind, and the more I read the script. The more I thought about you. About how must be hard for you now and ...

-Do not say anything. - Cate's low voice interrupted her. She went to her quickly and held her tightly. -Let's focus on the work. Todd completed graphic detail. - She said, slipping her hand into the dark hair. _And th_ _is_ _smell of her skin. She sighed loudly_ _._ -You even do not know, how hard was to me to sleep without you. Linens still smelled of you ... and the worst thing is that I can not promise you anything. I thought about all this and I feel that everything is slowly slipping through my fingers. After that, everything changed. - Cate stopped and pulled away from her, looking longer into green eyes of younger actress.

She did not have to say anything.

* * *

-Welcome to my kingdom, Ladies! - Sandy Powell said, spreading her arms wide. -Today - a little about the history and also I'll show you my projects. We'll do a small fitting. Todd come later. I've heard that from tomorrow you start rehearsals? - she asked, not expecting an answer. Her gaze directed towards Rooney.

-Yes. - she responded, smiling.

-Come to me, young lady. - Sandy said. -Get undressed. - She added, glancing at Cate. In response she laughed.

-So you could do a streaptease for us? - said with Australian frivolous tone, seeing as Rooney blushes. -I would not mind.

Their eyes met.

-And who's thinking about one thing? - added the younger actress feigning indignation.

Cate leaned on a nearby table and pulled out a cigarette. She was nervous about her mother and boys. Maybe something happened? I will call her later. I miss the boys too. - Blonde thought, lighting a cigarette. She watched as Sandy works as lying on Rooney underwear. Young red-haired girl came with the help of designer.

-Maggie, Here you will have to impersonate. Slightly narrower. Oh God, you're so tiny. - she said, moving her hands over the Rooney's skin. -You try this turtleneck and skirt. Hands up, young lady. I check a few things. Cate? - Sandy asked.

The blonde raised her head, pushing from a stray strand of hair from her face. She held a cigarette in her mouth. Sandy summoned her by hand. Cate wears a black, tight jeans. White shirt has recessed into pants. Long officers, black shoes and jacket. On the neck she tied casually a thin scarf in black and white stripes.

Cate ended smoke, put out a cigarette in an ashtray, which standing on the table. Her blue eyes rested on a younger woman. _She could not drive away from the memories of the previous night. It was thrillingly. She could not forget the accelerated breathing_ _of the_ _younger actress._ _Her_ _pleading moans and spasms. About her green eyes, which shone with tears._ _Her_ _laughter at dawn and hot hands on h_ _er own_ _bare back._

Her heart was beating wildly. Cate - _just_ _focus._  
  
At this point, to accommodate several persons entered. She reacted immediately.

-Finally! How long we can wait for you? - Cate said, spreading her arms. She hugged everyone and she added. -So what Sandy? Are you ready?

-Almost. Please sit down at the table and we will start soon.

The blonde looked like Maggie with Sandy end check dress for Rooney. Of course, this was only the first fitting. No doubt there will be more just before the start until the picture. The girl went quickly change clothes, and when she returned she sat next to her on the spot.

Sandy, along with Todd unrolled pictures, magazines and projects. When they finished, everyone introduced themselves. It was three people from makeup and hairstyles, Sandy, Ed Todd, Maggie - assistant designer and the two main actresses.

-Just let me started. - Sandy said. -Well, _Carol_ particularly interesting is because it is 1952 and 1952 is not the Fifties people think of because it still looks like the Forties. It is a transitional period, so the silhouette was going from the wide-shouldered look of the Forties to the more streamlined look of the Fifties, so it was really really exciting to do. With Todd has long talked about the visual inspiration for the film. I used mainly for projects of New York's street photographs by Ruth Orkin, or Vivian Maier.

Cate watched as sight Rooney moved by photos. After a moment, she picked up one of the Sandy's projects. She heard silent "wow" - coming out of her mouth. Cate smiled slightly and touched her small hand. Rooney blushed, but immediately moved the project in the hands of an elder actress.

_She_ _has a very hot hands. - Cate thought, eyes widening in surprise. Th_ _is_ _project was brilliant._  
  
-Sandy, you did it perfectly. - Cate said, showing her the sketch, which was drawn character Therese. In the blue coat, plaid skirt and that red and yellow hat. -I just love that ridiculous hat!

Sandy smiled and added, after a moment

-As everybody know, Carol obviously was a wealthy woman from quite a conservative family, her husband and his family are fairly conservative and well-to-do. She's very up-to-date fashion-wise. My reference images for her were mostly from Vogue and Harper's BAZAAR from the actual date. I thought she would have afforded those clothes, but the style we chose for her was this leaner, long-lined look from the period as opposed to the very fashionable Dior New Look with the full skirts. I wanted her to look restrained and elegant and sophisticated and sort of sexy in that restraint. Well, sort of flesh showing, ever, but there's still sort of a quiet, erotic charge is how she looks.

-So, we need to talk a little more, Sandy. - Cate said with a smile.

-Well, my people, what is the most erotic part of the body? We should unlocking the character of Carol.

Rooney blushed, but she said quietly. Almost without thinking.

-Neck. - Cate looked at the profile of her face. She smiled involuntarily. -What? - Rooney whispered looking with amusement into her blue eyes.

-Wrists. - Cate added, in a low voice, seeing as Rooney cheeks red even more. Everything reminded them about last night.

_Young actress pored lower lip. I can not forget. The night pulled the strings behind the existence of which was not even aware of before. Electrifying gaze women next_ _to her_ _. The smell of her perfume._  
  
-Hands. - Ed added, looking at the faces of people gathered with undisguised amusement. -Sandy, why on the very first meeting you are very ...

-Perv! - Todd added, and laughed aloud. -Only looked at our main actress. Do you detect this abashment?

-Gosh, guys! I knew it, I should discuss it with them alone.

-Calves and waist! - Maggie added, pretending not to hear the earlier conversation. Sandy only nodded with satisfaction her head and looked toward the dark-haired woman.

-About my Dear Rooney. - designer said. -Therese is younger, a little more naive, and more dresses for comfort or practicality. She obviously has very little money; she was recently a student. A little bit arty, maybe a little bit bohemian, but really not as sophisticated as mannered or Carol. That's the point-she's in complete awe of Carol and how she looks and every tiny detail: the quality of the stockings and the fineness of the leather of the gloves. Then, you see That influence her character later when she finally has a bit of money and has split from Carol. I imagine that she spent her first paycheck from The New York Times on a new suit, when her style has sort of elevated itself-some of Carol's influence has rubbed off.

-Sandy, could you tell more about pallet of colors? - Rooney asked.

Todd and Sandy looked at each other.

-How can you guess, Todd provides a lot of incredible visual references in terms of feel and how it is going to be lighted. From that, I got a feeling of the color palette. It was not going to be saturated, super color, but with the odd highlight ... the reds and the yellows. I draw Therese's hat with accents of red and yellow, and for Cate I've a red coat as well. Of course for that period the coral is the most important color. I worked with Cate before, so I know that her peach skin the color will be perfect.  
The rest, of course, in time. Today and tomorrow will be fitting.

-Well, it will be going intensely!

Group focused on Sandy's projects. Make-Up artists also brought their proposals of make-up, wigs and hairstyles.

Rooney watched everything from the side. She felt somewhere deep inside, that she is involved in something incredible and important. She was glad to have approved on the second proposal of Todd. She heard the sonorous laughter of woman sitting next to.

-God damn you! You did that wig? Awesome! Rooney, please - just look at this one! - Woman said, touching her hand discreetly.

Young actress looked at the blonde wig with curls. She smiled once.

-Well it fit to you perfectly. - said Rooney, blushing immediately. Next she felt her hand on her own. Cate laughed again and added in a low voice with an amazing American accent from the decade of 50's.

-Well, That's that. Just invite me round.

Group of people laughed. _Rooney observed that Cate in the company is more extroverted. Her_ _A_ _ustralian_ _weirdo sense of_ _humor, cuteness and openness make_ _her_ _a really amazing person. Rooney knew too well her other side._ _Of course it was_ _only the outline, but_ _her_ _mind's eye could see_ _,_ _by what Cate had to go._

Quote from the script stood before her eyes.

_"Please believe that I would do anything to see you happy and so I do the only thing I can - I release you."_

_I want her to be happy, just like this morning._


	11. There was no turning back.

**Chapter 11**

* * *

Todd ordered that each of the actresses should have a separate fitting with Sandy's team. He wanted the tension and intrigue was evident in the first scenes of the film, when Cate as Carol Aird enters into a department store to buy a gift for her daughter. Suddenly ladies eyes meet. Therese Belivet supports that woman. Younger woman is charmed by Her appearance. By Her dress and tone of husky voice ,which work magnetically on shop assistant.

The director would like to see this enchantment was visible at Rooney's face.

-It will not be difficult, Todd. Believe me. - Rooney whispered, looking into calm eyes of the director.

-I know that this is a piece of cake for you, but I want this fascination to be visible on the screen at once. I really don't want you to play that emotions, but you should feel it. Tonight comes the rest of the actors and immediately we begin the rehearsals. It was still 10 days to prepare everything before the shooting.

-I understand, Todd. It's hard not to be charmed by Cate Blanchett. You should know it well. - actress said with a laugh in her voice, trying to hide the apparent abashment.

-In that case, I leave you with Sandy's care. You'll be perfect Therese. And please do not get upset. I'm the director, I know very well, that together we create a beautifully film. - Todd said and hugged her tightly. -I will be for you around 17:00.

_Rooney sighed loudly. Cate was right_ _-_ _they_ _should focus_ _on work_ _now_ _. She knew how hard it would be to_ _not thinking about Her_ _. The only_ _damn one_ _thing I can do is support_ _her_ _. The rest_ _will be show by_ _time. Although she knew that_ _e_ _lder woman must feel something simila_ _rly_ _to her_ _. Not once she_ _felt_ _on_ _her_ _own_ _back_ _, that_ _piercing blue gaze. Accidental_ _they_ _touch their hand_ _s_ _. Quite meaningful glances or_ _words_ _. Rooney felt as if she had a fever. She felt as if she had this woman somewhere deep under_ _her own_ _skin. A woman who moved in her soul_ _some_ _magic strings. Woman, which can not be forgotten. Because how can you forget someone else_ _who_ _several hours earlier was in your arms and begged for more. About someone who by this one emotional evening gave you more_ _,_ _than someone who has been with you for_ _more than_ _four years._  
  
-Rooney, are you alright? - she heard a sonorous British accent of designer and felt her hand on her own shoulder.

-Y... Yes. I felt a little weak. I need only to drink water and we take to work, Sandy. - she said softly and closed her eyes for a moment.

_Focus, Patricia. Todd believes in all of us.  
_

* * *

After finishing the meeting, Cate almost ran out of the room, casually throwing a coat over her shoulders. With trembling hands she took the phone and impatiently waited for the call. She knew that in Australia is already very late, but she needs to talk with her mother.

The sound of connection has lasted almost an eternity. After a while she heard the warm Australian voice on the other side of the line.

-Hallo?

-Hi Mom, it's Cate. How are you and how with my boys?

-Hi Cate! With me and boys are well. Of course boys missed you a lot of. They are in beds now. How is going with this movie?

-We didn't started yet, but I think that everything will go very well. Sandy is here, so I'll be have a lot of fittings - before we start to shoot. Tonight we begin already with rehearsals. Tell my boys that I miss them and they could call to me as soon as they wake up.

-It is something happened? - her mother asked with a nicely voice.

-Yes! - she answered harder and added. -Why?

-Because you have a really touchy voice. It had to be something, but it is not on the phone, am I right?

-Yes. - blonde woman said, turning her eyes. Her mother knew her - too well. -So, what about Andrew? He saw the boys?

-Unfortunately not. He do not call them or does not speak. That worries me, Cate.

She is also worried. It was not a good sign.

-Mom, the boys say something? Before leaving, I tried to explain them that Dad has some problems now and during this time of my film, it would be better, if they spent time with you.

-They often ask about Andrew, but I try to explain them that he is ill and he can't have a lot of time. I think that explanation is best for them. But I do not tell them that ...

-Mom! Do not say that out loud. If I will be have a less busy schedule I will try to come. I hate to say it, but I ... I do not want and I can not be with him anymore. Not after what I went through. I haven't that strength to fight for us no longer. The one thing I just care about is the good of our children.

-I understand you, my child. Maybe you even try to talk with him? Maybe he could answer a phone from you.

-I will try to call him, later.- she said, noting as Todd runs out of the building and slowly goes toward her. -Mom, I have to go. Call me in the morning, when you get up. - she replied, hearing farewell to the other side of the line.

-What happened, Todd? - Cate asked quietly, unable to look into his eyes. _Fear of children passed. She was afraid now of yourself. He could_ _drank_ _, and also be able to ... No, no, that would be unthinkable._  
  
She felt watchful gaze of director. She sighed loudly and raised her head, looking straight into his eyes.

-We gotta talk, Cate.

Todd immediately noticed a worse state of his beloved actress. She tried to hide the sadness emanating from her eyes, but he was faster. Cate founded coat and scarf tucked up tightly. Todd took her waist and said.

-It's not my business, Cate, but I see clearly that something happened. I really need to know what is happening, because that movie... I am talking about this before on our meeting. You know perfectly well, how I see everything. I want authenticity with you and with Rooney. This film will definitely come out beautifully. Besides, we have a new producer, but surely you know that.

Cate stopped looking at the director's with surprise.

-A new producer? I do not know anything. Well, I'm having problems with my husband, Todd and believe me, this is not a good time to talk about it. - she responded quickly, evasively. She was angry at herself, that in time, she could not hide her own emotions from the director.

He looked at her closely, but she could notice from his face, that he did not know how to begin.

A long pause of silence lasted almost forever.

-It's your husband, Cate. - Todd said quietly. He felt how under that woman bend her own legs. He held her tighter and looked into her eyes. _Fear. Stabbing fear, which sometimes have simply not be able to hide. He noticed how her hands are shaking. She had shortness of breath. She opened her mouth wider, trying to catch a breath of cold air._  
  
They walked quickly to a nearby stone wall. Cate sat down and tried to calm down. She closed her eyes. It's just a panic attack.

-Should I called for ambulance, Cate? - asked the director, but she just shook her head, and taking his hand.

_Fear can_ _'t_ _take control over m_ _y whole body_ _. I only have children and mother. Children, mother and ... Her heart ached_ _,_ _when she thought about the young_ _er_ _actress. I like her._ _She_ _is charming and ... I like her and I miss her. I need more time to sort_ _everything_ _out. She remembered the slight brush of her hand. Her soft lips. She felt_ _that girl_ _inside_ _her veins_ _. In_ _side her own_ _soul. She felt like_ _she is_ _treading on very thin ice, and can not turn back._ _She could f_ _all and everything will consume i_ _nto it_ _completely._ _Cate_ _is taking a deep breath, almost hysterically._  
  
-Todd. Let's talk, please. - she said quietly. She felt like a man pulled her up and took over at the waist. That's what is she liked in him. He looked at women in a completely non-sexual way. He was warm and it was possible to talk with him about everything. He could be able to sense and understand women. It may also thus he was such a wonderful director.

-I'll talk, but certainly not here. I know a pretty good place. All of my people have orders, so surely they can do it and we can go for a little break.

* * *

Cate sat down on a chair and slid the soft, long scarf from her neck. It was terribly cold. Todd returned to the table and put a glass of whiskey in front of her.

-I guess that you need something stronger. - he said quietly.

The woman looked around and smiled. She loved the interior of the room. Wooden interior with fireplace. Definitely a good place for serious conversation, than this mess on the plan.

-I do not know what to do, Todd. Everything is leaking through my fingers ... - she paused, took a sip from the glass. The director looked at her calmly. She did not know how to begin. She puffed deeply. -If I told you that from this point I could play Carol Aird almost perfectly with emotional intensity, you would not be happy? - she asked and breathed deeply.

_Falter_ _it all before you will not be able to fully speak. -_ she thought, and drank in one gulp a whole glass of alcohol.

She felt calm gaze of a man. He touched her hand gently. _Cate! Spit it out._  
  
-Andrew has a problem with alcohol for a really long time. We went to therapy. Only for the goods of our children - we pretended that nothing happens. But I can not pretend any longer, Todd. Moreover my husband is suffering from Othello syndrome. He controls me, checked me every time. If I deny of what he said, of course I'm a terrible liar. He believes only in his delusions, which, of course, I'm cheating on him with each of his friends. For example, you are really good to me and help me a lot of today - for him it could be a meaning that there is something between us. No matter what your sexual preference are. And of course he wouldn't believe you. - Cate paused and looked straight into his eyes. -Before leaving - she felt as her voice breaks. -I told him that it is possible that I will go here earlier, but I did not tell him the exact date. He came back very late, completely drunk, as soon as I told him that I'm leaving ... The hell is started. - lower voice of slim women broke down completely.

Cate trembling hands took second glass and took a sip of alcohol.

-I do not want to go into details, Todd. It is very hard for me. My boys happily spend this time with my mother. When you told me that he will be another of the producers - I broke down. I did not want to have a contact with him ... I was afraid the most of my boys, but now ... I do not know how it will be, Todd. - she paused again and squeezed tight his broad hand. -There's something else ... Gosh it's almost like a confession, right? - Cate asked, not expecting an answer. She tried to unload a little the tense of this situation. The director did not ask anything. She could see in his eyes the nascent sympathy.

-I regret that I didn't talk with you before. We should have found someone else... Anyway, I think of something, Cate. We do not need him to come here. Do not panic. - he answered, and added quietly. -You said that there is something else ...

The blonde moved closer to the director and rested her head on his shoulder.

-I'm so ashamed to talk about it. Todd. We're very closely with Patricia ... - she stopped hearing that her voice is trembling. -We talked a lot, drank a lot of wine too, and it's happened. Todd, I madly want this. For the first time in my life I want someone so much. That it's hard for me to put it into words. It's hard to talk about it, and hard for me to describe it .. Of course, various media accuse that I had many relationships with women. Yes I had, but only into emotional way. However, with Rooney ... I could not do otherwise. It was the first time I cheated on my husband, and I'll tell you, I should feel remorse. I didn't feel them. I ... I have to sort things out by myself. I'll have to go for a little bit to Australia, as we will be have off days of shooting. I ... - she paused, feeling how sobs enters inside her throat. She could not speak.

Todd hugged her tightly. He would not ask anything.

Suddenly, his whisper broke the silence.

-My Dearest Cate, I guess that you know that quote:

_"What is it you love someone, you love what exactly, and why did it end or not end? Those were the real questions and who could answer them? "_

_Her heart beat faster. Love?_ _Th_ _at quickly_ _? It is impossible._ _Sh_ _e likes_ _Rooney_ _. That younger woman is so special for her,_ _but nothing more ... So why is it so hard_ _to define it?_ _She_ felt like she is treading on thin ice. She felt like ice beneath her feet cracks and she falls straight into the icy water.

_She knew._

There was no turning back.


	12. Reborn Again.

**Chapter 12**

It was snowing.

In the distance you could see a figure of a young woman. She ran hastily. Carelessly thrown a scarf over her milky white neck, flapped behind her in the wind. She tried to catch her breath, but the cold air hit her lungs.

I will be late. - she thought. She remembered clearly how Todd had promised her that he would come after her. Fitting were prolonged. The director doesn't not come. She was sure that something came up him. Anyway, if he could came - he would have to wait so long...

Sandy told her with a pleasure how she saw her movie character and what inspired her to design that kind of clothing for Therese. Rooney spent a really pleasant, although a busy day with the company of Sandy's team and make-up artists team too.

She tried with all of her might to focus on work. Despite this, her thoughts flowed into those incredible, elder woman. She remembered clearly that when the meeting was came to the end - Cate dropped her only a "See you later, sweetheart!" and ran out of the room.

"Sweetheart" - said in a lower voice, full of suppressed emotions. "Sweetheart" from which she felt shivers on her own back and from which it was hard to free thougts.

During the working, she missed Cate. She missed Her smile, long, piercing look of blue eyes. It scared her, frighten her. When she understood the meaning of her thoughts, she stopped, breathing loudly. Raggedly. The cold air did not help her at all. She felt how her stomach clench.

She did not want to call it. Define it. Somewhere, deep under her own skin, she felt that she should not. Hysterical gulp of cold air, pierced her lungs. She closed her eyes. All happens too fast. Cate is a mature woman. She has a husband. Her own problems. Three lovely, sons. Theater, film, and somewhere, in the middle - she appeared - Patricia Rooney Mara. This is a bloody nonsense for Cate to threw everything for someone like her. Oh, Rooney do not be selfish. It is not only a childish crush and you're aware of that. For sure, this crush it was not in this kiss. When your mouth looked for her soft, desirous lips. When you fondled her slender body. You did not think about anything else, then just about Cate. About Cate and desire. About Cate ... and making love. Love. What did you feel emotionally? Closeness, excitment, a slight of anxiety. I wanted to penetrate her soul and remove all sorrows. Cate is attractive and ...She's attracted to you. You wanted to comfort her. Love? It's not like you felt before. You felt ever. Even with Charlie.  
This is a different kind of excitement. You understand her more. She is to you, somehow emotionally close. Certainly not like the men, where he has his own world and you're not always able to understand it. And here ... One look ... No, no, it's too fast. Far too quickly. But even you do not know her well.

Love? Love for the other woman? No it is not possible.

-No, no, no - she said loudly, and with a vengeance ran into a large hall.

She did not like large crowds of people. She looked around, feeling hit hot on her own cheeks. She was breathing quickly.

-Well, there she is. Our Therese - Rooney Mara. - Todd said into the microphone. The actress felt as all eyes turned toward her. She nodded her head, and going forward. She walked quickly to the director.

-Todd, I'm sorry, but with Sandy ... - she whispered in confusion.

-I know. She could call me back. We had problem with the sound system - so we're late definitely. For not long - we will start. - he said, touching her arm. She looked at all of the faces. She was looking for the one glance of blue, piercing eyes, but Cate was not there. She felt on her face a questioning glance of Todd.

The door slammed.

Accelerated clatter of heels.

The young actress suddenly felt a strong touch of hand on her own shoulder. She shuddered.

-Here I am. - she heard the low Australian accent, next to her. She felt like a woman's slender fingers, gripped tight firmly on her arm.

-I guess, I do not need to present, Cate. For anyone. - said Todd to the microphone.

Cate laughed and added.

-Well, Todd - you should not treat me like a Queen ... - she paused, adding after a moment -I mean still a Queen of England.

Loud laughter filled the room. Cate advantage the opportunity, leaned over and whispered directly into the Rooney's ear.

-I miss you.

***

Rooney felt a piercing gaze on her back.

Focus, Patricia. It's like, that not so long ago, the woman about whom you thought for the most of the day, tells you she misses you and squeezes your arm firmly. It's nothing. Focus on work. You have to show up your's best side. It's hard to catch a breath.

She played one of the first scenes with Jack Lacy - her movie boyfriend - Richard.

-You come for your girlfriend Therese on a bike. You call her intercom. Therese looks out the window and says:

\- "I like your scribbles." - she replied loudly with a slight laugh in her voice.

-You look after the children's chalk drawings on the sidewalk. Then you look up and see her through the window. You should look at her in awe. She had just got out of bed, not wearing any makeup on. The enchantment has to be felt in your voice.

-I've got it, Todd. - said a young boy and smiled.

-So are you ready?. - Todd added. -Action!

Rooney waited a while. She saw how Jack played that he came on the bike. He rang into the door entry phone with a smile and leaned against standing next to the table. In response, the girl opened the window.

\- "I like your scribbles" - she shouted back with a laugh in her voice.

\- "Yeah - I've been busy! - he said and grinned to her -I do not know how you do it? You look a million bucks, first thing in the morning. "- he said with awe in his voice, improving an imaginary hat.

\- "I will be a minute." - she replied, pretending that closes the window. She saw a Todd's smile. It was everything on what she needs to focus on.

The next scene. A pair rode a bicycle through Central Park.

\- "So I got the schedules. In the mail. You listening to me? "- asked Jack

\- "I'm listening! You got the schedules. "- said Rooney, trying to empathize with how she is sleepy from the morning and has since the beginning of the day to work at full capacity.

\- "And there are two sailings to France in June, one in July." - continued the man.

\- "Wow." - she managed to squeeze out of herself, when her eyes met with the blue eyes of an elder woman. Her heart beat faster. She closed her eyes. Almost she did not hear the question asked by Jack.

\- "So Whaddya think?"

Rooney sighed loudly. For her, this pause, lasted like an eternity. "I can not think straight." After that night, I'm sure of it...

\- "I think ... I think it's so cold I can not think straight.". - she shouted back, unable to look into the eyes of men.

-Woah, Rooney. That was so awesome! Jack you're great too! We'll go to the next scene.

***

It was very late.  
Rooney was in the shower. Hot water ran down on her milky skin.

"I miss you." She felt hot Cate's lips touching her ear, when she whispered these words in a low, trembling voice. Cate presented in a phenomenal way. She was dressed in cloth trousers and a black shirt. She pretended, as if nothing had happened, but the young woman could read from her blue eyes. She was sure that tsomething happened. She sighed loudly, reaching for the shampoo.  
Something certainly must have happened.  
They were played today a lunch scene. Cate's phenomenal husky voice with a touch of the 50's accent, sounded in the hall.  
"Would you like to come out this Sunday?"  
It could be so hard to say anything other, than agree to her proposal. She smiled widely, looking into blue eyes of the woman sitting in front of her.  
"Flung out of space." - Emotions in her voice, the gleam in her eye. Rooney absorbed every detail. Every shaking of the lips. Every smile, and sparkle in her eyes. She just lost herself into Cate Blanchett completely.  
"Flung out of space." - This night with Cate ... She closed her eyes, feeling the uncontrollable tremor running along the spine.

She stepped out of the shower, tying her wet hair with a small towel. She wiped her body and put a soft, dark green bathrobe. She remembered, how Charlie gave her that bathrobe on their first anniversary.

-This day was intense. - she thought. She liked it, but in her hotel room after a productive work, she felt the best. It was just she and her own thoughts. Thoughts and ... Or rather thoughts about this woman. She looked at the schedule. Tomorrow morning have lessons with the piano, then voice emission, and then Sandy and makeup team, break for lunch and scenes with Jack. You will not be able to see with Cate. I think it could be possible just in the evening ...

Suddenly a soft knock at the door, interrupted the silence . The girl froze and looked at the small clock. It was 1:30 pm.

The girl quickly slid the towel from her wet hair.

-Yes? - she asked.

-It's me. Cate. - she heard. Rooney jumped to the door and she opened them.

She noticed the blonde in a dressing gown, without any makeup.

-Sorry,I know it's late, but ...

Rooney interrupted her.

-Don't be. I was not going to bed yet. I just took a shower. - She added, but rolled her eyes. It sounded very silly, after all - this is obvious. Wet drops from her hair, dripped on her neck.

Cate just smiled and slipped her slender fingers between the wet strands of dark hair.

-You can not lay down with a wet hair. - said with a soft voice. Her blue eyes sparkled with some care.

Rooney shook, feeling Cate's fingers.

-Come in. - she choked and stepped back, letting a late night visitor into the room.

Cate sat down at a small table, opposite the bed.

-Would you like to drink something? - the younger actress asked, watching her closely. -I have wine or water? All in all, nothing special. - she said, blushing.

-Wine will be perfect. - the blonde replied.

Rooney brought two glasses and the bottle of wine. After a while, she's pouring alcohol into a glasses.

Silence.

Followers eyes of elder woman, stopped at dark hair head.

-Maybe, can I help you? - Cate said, smiling slightly. Only by the corners of the lips. Rooney blushed even more.

-If you want to. - she replied quietly. -You wanted to talk about something? - Rooney added after a moment, feeling how Cate's slender fingers brushed away a wet, dark hair from her tiny neck.

-I talked with my mother today. - she said quietly, with lower voice. After a moment, Rooney felt like Cate moves the brush through her hair. She was very delicate. -My boys already slept. However, bothered me, that my husband doesn't talk to me. He also don't talk with boys. It's a strange thing. - she paused, continue combing the dark hair. -You have a really nice, healthy hair. - Cate added quietly.

Rooney's heart beat faster. If only she could turned, she could find herself face to face with a woman, which she thought all day.

Cate moved her hands over her already parted hair. She smiled to herself.

-Finished. Help you to dry them? - the blonde asked right into her ear. Rooney turned immediately. Their faces were divided b millimeters. She felt hot breath on her lips. Do not do anything stupid, Patricia. - she thought. She felt like hear little heart could be able to jumped out of her own chest. Cate moved her fingers down Rooney's cheek. -Unless you prefer to dry them without hair-dryer? - she asked even lower. Rooney noticed that Cate's voice trembling.

-You don't come here, just to tell me, that you talked with your mother, am I right? - Rooney asked, looking into the blue eyes of elder woman. However, she can't wait too long. She pulled Cate tightly to her own body. They landed on the bed. Cate was at the top of her. In response, she laughed softly.

-I don't plan this. I really don't plan this. - she said with a laugh, feeling on her cheek Rooney's fingers. They shared by milimentry. -You do not know, how I missed you today. Well... I looked at my schedule too, and we don't have any of exercises together.- Cate added in lower voice. She kissed her on the cheek.

Rooney sighed loudly.

-I missed you too. - she replied, looking straight into his blue eyes.

This tension.

Silence.

In the room, you could hear only the rapid breathing.

Cate moved gently and laid next to her. She sighed loudly and after a while she continued.  
-I talked with Todd too. For a very long time. I had a panic attack today. Everything suddenly overwhelmed me ... - Cate pointed questioning glint of green eyes. -Andrew will be a new producer of the movie. I found out this today. I was very scared. I could not calm down ... I had to talk with Todd. You know very well Rooney, how he is. He loves women, understand them in some inexplicable way. He can also advice very well in some point..

-If he...? - younger woman asked, looking at the face of a woman. lying next to her.

-He knew. I had to tell him. He is a director ... I also know that he is very discreet.

Cate noticed, how dark girl closes her eyes and breathes deeply.

-It's better for us and for the film too. - she replied quietly. She was completely disoriented. She did not know if she should ask Cate directly. She bit her lower lip and raised on the bed. -Did you forget about wine? - she asked with a laugh, handing her a glass.

Cate sat down and drank. Their eyes met.

-I adored you today, when you played together with Jack. I could feel your emotions, immediately. You were nervy too, Patricia. - she added playfully and gently squeezed her shoulder. -But I think that probably only I could noticed it. - she winked at her significantly and took another sip.

-Thank you! - Rooney said, blushing even more. -Cate, I ... I do not know if ... - she paused and fixed her eyes on the floor. She drank the whole glass at once, feeling how Cate's hands moved from her arm to the back of neck. -I do not know, if I can ask you ...

-Ask Me things ... Please. - blonde answered her in a husky voice. In a strange way she liked abashment girls. Patricia was incredibly sweet and charming. On the other hand, also she felt that without resistance could tell her everything. -Do not be afraid. - Cate said, pulling closer to her. She felt how under her hand thin shoulders trembling.

-Do You and Andrew ...

Cate sighed and looked straight into her green eyes.

-I need to talk with him, seriously. Not over the phone, but when we'll be meet. What worries me the most it the one thing - he don't talk with my lovely boys. But everything in it's time, Patricia. Do not worry about it - so much. One thing I know - I do not want him back. I can't be with him anymore. Does that answer is enough for you? - Cate said coquettishly, brushing a strand of wet hair. from the girl's face.

She saw, how younger actress smiled.

-I think so. - she replied. She noticed how Cate gets up and pours the wine for themselves. Her heart was beating wildly. She had finally squeeze it out. -Cate, maybe it's stupid, and I'm too childish for you, but ... This is not a childish crush.

She paused, blushing. Cate leaned against the wall and raised her eyebrow. The corners of her mouth twitched. Could she felt something similar? - She thought.

-I ... I ... You're very close to me and I can not determine what I feel for you. This is a completely different feeling. Emotionally you are, the closest person for me. I understand you very well. This is a completely different feeling than what I felt for Charlie or other men. Here is no comparison. I'm a little confused too. I want you to be happy. - Rooney managed in one breath and quickly drank the contents of her glass. Cate noticed how Patricia's hands are shaking. Her heart was beating wildly.

-Oh, Patricia. - Cate whispered with trembling voice, approaching fast to a younger woman. She pulled her up and hugged tightly. -Let me hug you. - her fingers slid into the dark, wet hair. She could smell her. -Oh, my Dearest. You're so special and rare for me. I feel for you something similar. - blonde said, nuzzling at her. She could feel trembling arms of the younger actresses. She heard a quiet sob.

-Please my Dearest, let me stay for the night. - Cate said softly, lifting the girl's face and kissed her gently on the forehead.

She did not mean anything sexual. She felt how the thin ice cracked. She is falling down, like in the rollercoaster. She just can't stop.

Emotional fulfillment.

She wanted to just snuggle in these small arms and feel inside of her soul - that she is alive again.

She was reborn again.


	13. Reason to live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To my readers: I know that you're waiting so long for this chapter. But here it is.  
> I had a really badly wisedom tooth extraction on the last Friday. So I really need more time to be able to writing. Forgive me!  
> I know, I know - I suppose that I did a lot of grammar mistakes, but I will change it soon - don't worry. 
> 
> I did a lot of research for this chapter too. 
> 
> 1\. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPz7H02TL08 
> 
> 2\. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdaG8lQye5s
> 
> 3\. of course a wonderful script by Phyllis Nagy too 
> 
> 4\. http://wvxu.org/post/local-carol-actors-talk-about-working-oscar-nominee-cate-blanchett 
> 
> So please, enjoy it!

**Chapter 13 - Reason to live**

 

Suddenly, without any warning, March came to the city, greeted Cincinnati with a sun. Still it was freezing, but in the air you could feel the first freshness of the early spring.

Cate preparing for the first scenes, which were filmed today. Group of make-up artist finished their work. Costume created by Sandy fits her like a glove. British costume designer could not hide her delight.

\- Cate, you look ravishing. I am confident that you will enchant Rooney. So it will be, as Todd dreamed of. - red-haired woman said, smiling.

\- For you, Sandy, I am now Carol Aird. Not Cate Blanchett. Let me empathize. - she replied with a laugh, feeling on the hair final touches.

The woman finally opened her blue eyes and looked into the mirror. She just smiled to herself.

\- Well, that's that! - she said in a low voice with an American accent, when the door to the room opened.

\- Ms. Blanchett, we're expect you on the set.

Cate got up from the chair and smoothed her skirt. Sandy helped her clear a furry coat. Fur, which perfectly matched to the skin color of the blonde woman. Costume designer smiled and hugged her tightly.

\- Welcome to the set, Ms. Carol Aird! - she added.

Blonde in response squeezed her arm. With the ease of her eyes she could read pride and joy. Pride and passion. She is a lovely woman! Cate hugged her tightly.

-I have to go. - she whispered softly.

Before the door closed, she heard Sandy's British accent.

\- Ms. Carol Aird, no one can resist you.

* * *

Frankenberg's Department store

From the morning younger actress played some scenes in Frankenberg's. Todd watched over every detail - toys, scenography. It was easy to feel the atmosphere of the 50's. She tried to hide her nervousness, focusing on the ambiance.  
She felt that this movie will change her life. Just like people, which has already know on the set. Especially one person. Her heart beat fast. She spotted asking gaze of director. She lowered her eyes and tried to quickly restart the trainset.

Todd smiled. She is a true Therese Belivet. He could not hide his pride. Ed Lachmann made spectacular shots to earlier scenes of the Frankenberg's, in which participated the younger actress.

Now would come the most important scene. The scene, which each of them was waiting for and feared in their own way. The director wanted from the beginning, that both women should played it naturally, that their emotions were evident in every frame. In the eyes. He knew somewhere under his own skin, that they can achieve this.

Suddenly, the director felt hand on his arm. He turned and saw Sandy Powell.

\- She looks perfect. - She whispered with a smile and sat down next to Ed Lachmann.

\- Everyone, here we go! Action! - Todd shouted.

The moment of truth.

* * *

Rooney turned away from the frame and quickly put on a Santa Clause hat. She is taking a deep breath. _Keep calm!_ _You're p_ _reparing for this already so much time. Everything should come out perfectly._ Todd talked with her a lot of before shooting. Other people were also very helpful to her.

Clatter of heels.

The girl immediately turned around, holding in her hands notebook with a pen. Through people - clients of Frankenberg's, she is trying to see the slender, blond woman. Suddenly she appeared. Blond hair arranged perfectly, her coral scarf was casually relaxed around her neck. Fur fits to the shade of her skin. Coral lipstick on her lips and a similar shade nails, completed the whole figure.  
Rooney could not hide her enchantment. She could not look away. She opened her mouth slightly. She felt how on the movie set, time has stopped. It was just - Rooney Mara (no Therese) and Cate Blanchett. Suddenly their eyes met. Blue electrifying gaze moved slowly, through the body of a young woman.

Cate barely refrained from a smile, the corners of her mouth twitched nervously. She was glad, that nobody could see her hands. They trembled. Patricia looked very young and innocent. She did not know, what kind of magic they did - the makeup artist in the company of Sandy Powell, but she knew how quickly, her heart beating, at the first sight. She looked like a young Audrey Hepburn. Cate to hide her own discomposure, pushed her hand through her hair. She walked straight to the counter, behind which stood a young woman.

She smiled broadly.

\- "I wonder if you might help me find this doll for my daughter." - Cate said in a husky voice, giving the woman a piece of paper.

Rooney read the sheet.

\- "Bright Betsy. She cries. And wets herself. But we're out of stock. "- she said in higher voice, than normal. Cate looked straight into her green eyes, sighed and adding.

\- "I've left it too long."

The young actress felt that she wants to help this woman, regardless of the consequences. She tried to show her other dolls. Once again their gaze met. Rooney felt that she blushed a lot.

\- "Right. What was your favorite doll when you were four? Do you remember? "- Cate asked, looking at her intently. Rooney immediately remembered her own childhood and time when she had four years. She did not like dolls.

\- "Me? I never ... Not many, to be honest. "- she answer, with a slightly surprised in voice.

Rooney noticed that Cate raised a cigarette to her lips. She begun to light it.

Her voice interrupted her.

\- "Sorry. You can not smoke on the sales floor. "

\- "Oh, of all the - forgive me. Shopping makes me nervous. "

\- "That's okay. Working here makes me nervous. "- Patricia said, smiling. _"I love her dimples"_ \- thought the blonde. Cate laughed after a moment, appreciating Rooney's compassion.

\- "You're very kind."

Their eyes met. Cate pulled out of the purse, image of her movie daughter - Rindy. Rooney touched the photos, feeling how their fingers touched.

\- "She looks like you. Around the mouth. The eyes. "

Cate looked into her eyes.

\- "You think so?" - she asked.

Rooney looked up and saw that Cate was watching her.

\- "So what did you want? When you were That age? "- she asked, breaking the awkward silence. Rooney answered, without thinking.

\- "A train set."

The blonde looked at her in surprise. It was easy to imagine it, a little Patricia Mara, who did not want nothing, but only a trainset.

\- "Really. That's a surprise. Do you know much about train sets? "- Cate asked coquettishly, brushing her blonde hair.

\- "I actually. And there's a new model, just in last week. Hand-built with hand-painted cars - it's a limited edition of five thousand, with the most sophisticated electric switching system - it's quite small ... You have seen it. Over by the elevators? Just there. "- Rooney points towards the trainset. Cate turned toward the elevators.

\- "Do you ship?" - she asked, looking at the younger actress carefully.

\- "Special delivery. Or courier. You'll have it in two, three days. We'll even assemble it.

Cate smiled gleaming. Husky voice with an American accent of the 50's pierced the silence.

\- "Well. That's ... that. Sold. "

Rooney felt blue eyes on her body. She could not hide the smile. Cate laughed.

\- "Shall I pay now?" - she asked with a saucy voice.

Rooney felt abashment.

\- "Oh yes, of course."

She began to write out a receipt. The blonde smiled, watching her intently. When Rooney looked up, their eyes met. She blushed.

\- "We'll need your account details, your shipping address."

\- "Of course. - Cate said, starting to write. -I Love Christmas. At least I love the  
preparation. Wrapping gifts, all that. And then ... you somehow wind up overcooking the turkey anyway. "- She finished and smiled Rooney. -"Done. Where'd you learn so much about train sets, anyway?"

\- "I - I read ... Too much, probably."

\- "It's refreshing. Thank you. And Merry Christmas. "

\- "Merry Christmas."

Rooney watched Cate moving slowly to the exit. With grace. She absorbed her every move, her gesture, her step. She froze when she noticed, that Cate turns around and pointing to her Santa Clause hat, says.

\- "I like your hat"

The blonde winked at her flirtatious with a smiling. She turned and moved straight to the elevators.

Creak of a chair pierced the silence.

\- Oh my God! That's a wrap ! - Todd shouted and walked over to them, grinned. - You're amazing. This is exactly what I meant!

Rooney smiled as well.

\- I was very nervous, Todd. - she said.

\- Dearest, I do not think it was that bad? - Cate asked her coquettishly, and winked at her significantly.

Todd grinned at them.

\- You are wonderful. And this chemistry. - He added, blonde woman gripped his arm.

\- After all, this is exactly what you dreamed off, Todd. True, Patricia? - she said, a young girl in response laughed softly and added.

\- Yes! Cate is right.

\- Cate? Cate Blanchett? - They heard from afar. Cate turned her head immediately. A young boy came to the room. -You've got a very important phone call. It can not wait. - he added quickly.

\- Excuse me, please! - Cate said, frowning.

What could happened? She had a bad feeling. She got up quickly and ran out of the room.

* * *

Slim blonde woman ran to the phone. She sighed loudly and picked up the phone.

\- Hello? - she asked.

On the other side she heard a trembling voice.

\- Andrew? What's wrong?

\- I know, that I fucked up again. I don't called to you and to kids, I'm sorry. For the last two weeks, I was helping my mom. I drove her to the hospital too. - she heard in the handset, that his voice cracked. - My dad died yesterday. He ... - He paused. She heard sobs.

Cate closed her eyes. She felt uneasiness. Before her eyes stood her father's image. He is saying goodbye to her before leaving and asked her to be polite. At night she could not sleep, though sensed that something was going to happen. The next morning, she saw the police officer, talking with her mom. She could see the shock on her face. The policeman took her waist and entered in their apartment. She remembered all gathered in the living room and a trembling voice she said, that their beloved daddy is not coming back. Trauma of her own childhood and the fear of death, stood before her eyes. Later, as a teenager, she was a big fan of Alfred Hitchcock movies. She wanted to understand more, feel it on her own skin. Eliminate the pain and longing, which no one has been able to replace. The desire to talk and tell everything, even though one is not able to hear the answer. She closed her eyes and sighed loudly.

\- Cate? Are you there? - She heard the other side. Blonde woman rubbed her eyes.

\- Yes. We have a very busy schedule, but I will try to talk with Todd and I'll let you know, if I could fly. When is the funeral?

\- In four days.

\- I'll try to be there, Andrew. - her voice trembled. She was not sure if in this situation, she should talk to him. She felt torn apart. -Andrew? I'd like to talk with you, when I arrive. - She added uncertainly. - Try to keep calm. I'll call you tonight. -Cate said and hung up quickly.

She breathed loud, intermittently. With fast step she left ahead of the building and breathed deeply.

She felt how her hands shivering. _What should I do?_ She asked herself. She didn't smoke, but at the moment, she needed some stimulus. With an effort she took the cigarette out and switched it on. Cate puffed deeply. In this situation, it's hard to say, that she wants to leave him. Andrew did what he did, but now - he definitely needs her support. She must talk with mum, Todd and Patricia. Certainly she refused to talk to Andrew face to face. Somewhere deep under her skin, she was afraid of him.

She puffed out again. Her thoughts headed to the Rooney's side.

She exhaled and closed her eyes. Rooney? That younger woman, could dismantling her fortress brick by brick. With the just one shiny smile.

Oh, how did she liked this Santa Clause hat.

* * *

Cate returned to the movie-set.

\- My triangle of love - we need to talk. - she said, pointing to Todd and Rooney.

They looked at her and laughed softly. Cate had seen closely those watching green eyes.

\- Cate, what's wrong? - the younger woman asked and took her hand. Todd noticed shaking hands of the elder women.

\- Break! For 30 minutes! - he shouted and hugged both women. - This is certainly not a good place to talk.

When Cate finished speaking, she felt how her voice trembled. Todd quickly poured her a glass of whiskey.

\- It could be helpful. - He said and took her arm. Cate took a glass in her hand and drank.

\- Thank you. Oh, what am I supposed to do?

Silence.

\- Go to Australia. - Rooney said with some sharp in her voice. - You should be there. Todd could you be able to change the schedule? We can make a scenes with Jack, with boys and Sarah, and when Cate returns, we will finish the rest?

The man nodded.

\- Ok. Today we have two scenes still to shoot. Cate, you should booked a ticket and be with him. Support him, but also talk. I could ... - he added glancing at the schedules. - I could let you go for a week. Not any longer.

\- Thanks Todd. You know in this situation is not easy to talk about ...

Rooney took her hand tightly.

\- Do not be afraid, Cate. You can always call me.

Their gaze met. Cate smiled barely, only corners of her mouth. She pulled Rooney to her own body and moved her hand along Rooney's cheek.

-Girls! Please, please! You two could make it later. I mean in the last scene of this day. - the director added, unable to looked away.

This tension between them was unbearable. Unbearable and beautifully.

* * *

The last scene of this day. It was quieter, than in the morning. In the set were maybe 4 people. Todd wanted to provide them some intimacy at this scene. A kiss scene just before Carol's leaving. Todd looked like he planned everything. Rooney was not convinced about his decision. She was nervous about it.

She stood in the hallway in navy blue pajamas with white dots. She felt how her legs refuse to obey.

She heard the soft cracking of the one of the twin beds. Cate sat up in bed with a cigarette in her hand. She was waiting for a call from Abby.

\- Action!

Rooney sighed loudly and moved forward uncertainly. The lights went dimmer.

She went to the other bed and almost in a theatrical gesture extinguished a small lamp. She shivered, pulling a blanket and climbing into the other bed.

Cate finished her question and hung up the phone. She looked nowhere, but Rooney could feel like the room was filled with her sadness. Grief penetrated through her skin into the blood. She felt how her own body tensed up.

The silence between them, lasted like an eternity. Suddenly a low, trembling voice of Cate pierced the silence.

"You do not have to sleep over there"

She knew that her time has come. Hypnotically, she got up and went to Cate. Her heart was beating wildly.

Rooney did not know how she ended up wrapped in Cate's arms and legs. Cate pulled her body tightly to her, embracing her as if tomorrow would no longer be. In blonde woman face was visible sadness and longing. She moved her hands down to Rooney's cheeks and kissed her softly. For Rooney, those tender, hot lips were everything of what she needed. They were like oxygen, which filled her lungs. She remembered their first night together, when she tentatively kissed Cate on the lips. Now she felt the same. Although not completely. Cate is leaving for a week. She answered her, as if there's no tomorrow. As if this, was to be their last night together. She knew somewhere deep under her skin, how she will be miss her. Cate felt like a Rooney's tongue slips between her lips. Rooney clung to her body harder, more insistently. Her wandering, voracious hands ran over Cate's slender body. She needs that moment over and over again. Here and now. Was there a cut? It was not important.

Now it mattered only one thing - precipitate heartbeat of women lying next to her. Her lips. Her neck. Rooney could not resist herselft. On the set was very quiet. Until she heard Cate's moan.

Cate suddenly jumped up, pushing apart Rooney. She could see her perfectly, shiny green eyes and reddened lips, from the recent touch. She winked at her significantly

\- Todd, baby, are you alive? - Cate asked in her aussie accent. - Is that enough? Can we go now? - she added with a laugh in her voice.

Rooney laughed softly and she added.

\- Perv!

Todd approached them slowly.

\- I was sort of enthralled watching. I could not say "cut." I did not want to put you in an awkward position. I think I ultimately did. Rooney see you tomorrow at 09:00. Cate, I'm so sorry, but I wish you luck and see you next week. Stay hard and consider taking everything. We send flowers from the whole team. - He added quietly and hugged the blonde.

Cate only smiled.

-Thanks, Todd. I love you! - she said with her aussie voice and went with Rooney to change their clothes.

* * *

Cate hung up the phone. She called to Andrew and to her mother. She said that she's got a plane tomorrow and could be in Australia for a week. Cate during the chatting asked her mother, if she could be with her on conversation with her husband. She was not quite sure, whether this situation, if she should tell him everything.

A knock at the door interrupted her thoughts.

\- Yes? - she asked, even though deep down she knew who might be behind the door.

\- It's Rooney.

The blonde opened the door and let her in.

\- I know it is already late, but ...

\- I know. - Cate interrupted her and hugged her tightly. - You do not know, how everything will be so hard for me now. I will miss you. - she whispered quietly, looked straight into her green eyes.

\- Me too. - said the younger woman, looking at the suitcase. - Cate, I'm so sorry.

\- Shhh .. - blonde paused, and put her finger on Rooney's mouth. - Stay with me today, please.

When Rooney sat on the bed, Cate lay down on her thighs. Dark haired woman stroked Cate's blond hair.

\- I want you to hear me, Patricia. It will not be an easy topic, but .. I feel that could relieved me somehow, if I told you about it.

A dark-haired woman watched her face intently. The sound of her voice low, acted on her magically. She could easily imagine Cate as a little 10 year old girl, who says goodbye to her father.

\- "The night of the day he died, I thought, Wow - I'm up so late, and I have not eaten all day," - "It's hard to compute something so massive. I just sort of rolled with it. You sort of see it from other people's perspective. That I could see my sister was so young, and I felt it was tragic That she might not remember him. I could see how it affected my brother, who was 11 or 12. I saw what a struggle it was for my mother. I think about my father and how sad it was that he never had grandchildren. "

Rooney closed her eyes. She easily could imagine a sense of loss. Patricia took Cate's hand, looking into her eyes.

\- "Maybe this is just me trying to live with the loss." I really do not know. I remember when I was at the hospital. I left a room with one of my dad's co-workers, who told to us: "This is going to be a very, very hard time for your mother. You have to be very, very good. "I suppose that it also made me a perfectionist.

Their eyes met. The blonde felt the tension. She squeezed her hand in response and stood up.

\- I pour whiskey for us. - Cate replied quietly. Rooney handed a glass. She smiled in response.

\- Are you afraid of tomorrow right?

\- You know that. I learned that "the presence of death can coexist in life. I just do not take things for granted. I know that time is very short. "And now my father-in-law ... I had some trauma of the death. Maybe because as a teenager I watched so many Hitchcock movies. My friend said that it was probably because my father passed away early. Maybe I wanted to be closer to everything. Maybe I wanted to understand it in my own way.

The dark-haired actress felt that her eyes moist. She walked quickly to the blonde woman. She put her hands over Cate's face and kissed her gently.

\- It must have been pretty tough going. - She whispered softly and kissed her again. Cate did not think too much. She ran her fingers on Rooney's cheek. Their lips are intertwined. Slowly, gently, without any haste, both ladies given themselves over this moment. Cate hugged younger actress tightly to her own body. The blonde put her tongue between Rooney's lips. She could felt how Patricia's arms tremble under her touch. She wove her fingers into woman's dark hair. She heard the faintest moan. Cate paused and smiled to herself.

\- My sweetheart! - her deep voice, pierced the silence. - Allow me this time, my Dearest. I bring you up to the borders. I must clean my mind. I don't be there for a week, so I would like you to have something to think about. - Cate added coquettishly, drinking a whiskey from the glass. Her blue eyes dimmed.

Rooney's heart was beating wildly. She could feel how her whole body trembles and is unable to make a move. Cate voice charmed. Curiosity moved to her lungs, filling them with only one person - Cate Blanchett. She felt how her cheeks blush.

\- Todd, made us a wonderful prelude, right? - Cate added in her husky voice, catching sight of younger woman green eyes. Cate saw, how girl is blushing. Patricia remember well, how she could not resist by Cate's lips, how her own hands explored this slender body again, how her insatiable hips rubbed Cate harder, and when she heard the blonde's moan - it was like music.

Cate smiled and walked over to her slowly. She kissed her passionately, putting younger actress to bed.

\- I will show you something. - Cate whispered, her voice trembling. -But you can't move from the bed. I hope that you could be a good girl, aren't you?. - she added, smiling.

Rooney just nodded. Her heart was beating wildly. - What's she planning? - she thought. She closed her eyes for a moment, and when she opened them, saw how blonde woman taken her phone and turn on something.

Suddenly, a quiet music resounded in the room. None other than Joe Cocker - "You can leave your hat on." The dark-haired woman laughed. She had a flashback with a movie scene in which Kim Basinger doing a striptease for Mickey Rourke. Rooney with wonderment thought if Cate could plan this before. She was so curious.

The lights in the room were dimmed, but she could easily see the slender figure, dressed in a shirt, jacket and pencil skirt.

_"Baby, take off your coat real slow_  
and take off your shoes  
I'll take your shoes "

Rooney saw the blonde comes out of the bathroom. Her hair is tied in a messy bun. Dark haired woman could not look away from Cate's moving hips to the rhythm of music. Her thoughts were only around a one thing - she felt as though it was her Cate, and this night - would herald a new beginning. The beginning of what? She was not sure.

_"Baby, take off your dress_  
yes yes yes  
You can leave your hat on  
You can leave your hat on  
You can leave your hat on "

Cate leaned against the wall and slid down, swaying her hips. She moved her hands over her body. At the bottom of the wall, she expanded her slim legs. Rooney noticed that there is no panties. She could quickly feel how her cheeks burned with fire. Her breathing quickened immediately. She closed her eyes and opened them again, unable to control the growing excitement. The blonde was on top of the wall and slowly, with a smile. slipped off her jacket, throwing it to the girl on the bed. Laughter of the elder actresses, drowned out the music.

\- Gosh, you've got a sweet face, my baby! - she said in a husky voice and winked at her. Rooney pointed out that Cate also not wearing a bra. White shirt recessed into skirt, shone through. The younger actress could have seen pink, hard nipples of the other women.

Cate hands moved over her waist and buttocks. She squeezed them lightly. Rooney sighed loudly. She felt that the tension is so mad.

The blonde turned to her and caught her gaze, looking at her with admiration.  
In the slow movements she slipped her black skirt.

_"You give me a reason to live_  
You give me a reason to live  
Sweet darling "

Green girl's eyes widened even more when she saw Cate in the same stockings. Blonde woman let down her hair, humming: "You give me a reason to live." She walked slowly to the bed and gracefully, like a cat, walked on all fours, to find over a younger actress. Their lips intertwined immediately. Cate moved her head and bit Rooney's earlobe by teeth.

\- I see you're very flushed. My dearest.

In response, she heard only a low moan.

\- Oh, really ... - she asked herself. Her slender hands effectively deprived clothes of the younger actress. When Cate's fingers slid under the soft, linen material of Rooney's panties - she froze.

\- Wow. - she whispered. Rooney felt a piercing, dark blue eyes on her face. - Wow. - she said again, moving her fingers, in a place, where the dark-haired girl was incredibly wet. She felt hot breath of Cate's on her own neck. Cate's tongue sliding in a place where easily could felt a Rooney's rapid pulse.

Their lips met again. Rooney through kisses and rapid breathing, heard a Cate's whisper: "My angel, flung out of space" alternating with "my sweet darling" and "Oh, baby, you give me a reason to live."

Cate moved her tongue over the porcelain skin. She caressed her small breasts - with tongue and teeth. Girl's moans - for Cate was the most enjoyable music. For Cate it's only mattered one thing - here and now. As if tomorrow does not have to be.

Skillful hands slipped off her panties. Alternately caressing her by tongue and slender fingers.

She wanted to leave her satisfied, breathless. She wanted to bring her to the limit, where it already does not count anything. Easy state of mind.

She saw her body shaking more and more. She had heard wonderful moans, with quickly breathing. She felt like a Rooney's body stopped for the moment. Her cry of pleasure cuts the silence.

\- Oh my sweet baby! - Cate whispered, seeing the tears in her green eyes. She hugged her tightly, pulling her harder to her own body. - My angel, flung out of space. - she said, feeling the tears dripping on her own shoulder.

They looked into each others eyes. Deeply. Without words. Cate brushed dark strands of hair from Rooney's face. Green eyes gleamed from recent tears. Reddened cheeks and lips - were everything, what she needed now.

For Cate they were an entire world.


	14. Just "read me"

**Chapter 14 - Just "read me."**

Blond hair woman finished packing, when she heard the screech of a lock on the front door. She froze with the beautician in the hands. _I have to quickly pack._ \- went through her mind. She felt a shiver of anxiety, running down her spine.

When she zipped her suitcase - she heard a noise .

"Who the hell put here?" - inauspicious, manly voice pierced the silence.

She shook her head in disbelief and ran quickly down the stairs.

"God, Andrew! Be careful! "- she said, when he tried to get up.

"Just shut up! I saw you today with my friend. "

She closed her eyes, breathing nervously. She did not want another brawl. Not before her leaving for the movie set. But she could not resist. Ther will again be persecuted and he told her something that she would never have done.

"I was not with any of your colleague. I was preparing myself for pack to the movie-set. Todd called me that rehearsals start earlier. "- she responded quickly, her voice rising.

"Bitch! Why are you repress again? "- he said. "Earlier trip, really? Just really? I already know what, you're planning. You would love to leave me soon. What kind of wife are you, when you lied to me!"

"Jesus, Andrew! You're drunk. Are you crazy? "

She closed her eyes. She was trembling all over her body. Why today it seemed to her that it is otherwise.  
Before she knew, she felt a strong hit on the cheek. She swayed. She felt how much it stings the skin.

"You lied to me with the leaving term. You said that the rehearsals will be starting in two weeks. That will not do! You should be obedient, but of course - these your secrets. "

"You're drunk!" - she said with a trembling voice. She felt tears coming to her eyes. "It came out now. We have a lot of things to discuss before we started shooting. Do not force on me something, I would never have done! "

"I put nothing past women like you." - Andrew hissed and struck her again. When she tried to defend herself, he beats her harder.

She felt like she had no breath.

Suddenly, she jumped up and opened her eyes. The scene was gone, the scene was blurred. And the only thing that was certain, is how quickly her heart was beating. She sighed loudly and looked around quickly. It was not her home, but a hotel room. She looked to the side and froze. Rooney slept beside her, cuddled up between the sheets. She was breathing slowly and calmly. Cate's face could be seen a slight smile.

"Gosh, my sweet baby!" - Cate thought, trying to calm down after a dream. "Why every time it haunts me. Even in a dream, do not give me rest. I'm going to Australia ... probably this is the main reason. Again, I get nervous. "

For a moment, she stared at the Rooney's face. She was so lovely and quietly. Closed eyes encircled by a group of dark, long lashes. Black hair in disarray surrounded her alabaster face. Lips were red, slightly ajar. In her hand she held a crumpled quilt. The other hand rested quietly next to the pillow. Cate gaze shifted to Rooney's fingers. She just loved her fingers.

That night was different than their first time. More emotionally. Gently. Slowly. Without any haste. to the borders of pleasure. Pure pleasure.

She remembered exactly well Patricia's moans and sighs. The blonde smiled to herself and stretched lazily. She remembered how younger woman hands moved down on her back. How she bit into her own neck and a place just below the collarbone. This, when both, almost at the same moment, were near to the heaven. Again, with the tears. Utterly breathless. They just looked at each other faces. Both ladies still shared this one magical moment - hugged tightly.

Cate sighed and glanced at her watch.

5:30 am.

Time to get ready. Although she did not want to move out. Blonde woman glanced again at sleepy woman and smiled. She improved her quilt and after a longer moment she got out of bed completely naked, moved toward the bathroom.

She put on jeans and a black shirt, tying her hair in a messy bun. Cate pieced together clothes, which was scattered on the floor.

I could not go out without any word. - woman thought, looking at the sleeping figure. She could not leave her without any word, after all of this. She opened her calendar, found a piece of paper.

The worst thing is waking up, after a hot, erogenous night, realizing that you are alone in bed. - Cate thought.

She closed her blue eyes. Blonde woman did not think too much, about what she can write. The words came slowly. She began to write. Cate read letter again and smiled to herself. She wondered how the younger girl would react. She was not sure if she gave Rooney her mobile number. She wrote on the back of sheet - her mobile number and landline too, adding above in the capital letters _"_ _READ ME PATRICIA. x C._ _"_

Elder woman glanced at her wrist watch. She has not been so much time, but she could not resist. Cate went quietly to the bed and wrapped Rooney tightly by duvet She kissed her gently on the forehead, whispering: _My lovely angel, I will be miss you.  
_

* * *

Airport check-in went quickly. Cate took with herself only a small luggage.

In the end, the plane took off. Blonde woman sat near to the window. She put on her earphones, where she heard a familiar voice:

_"Even if you were a million miles away_  
I could still feel you in my bed  
Near me, touch me, feel me "  


She smiled just by a corners of mouth. She could not stop herself. The last scene created by Todd was like a prelude, to what has happened later in the evening.

_"Looking in the sky I could see your face_  
And i knew right where I'd fit in  
Take me, make me  
You know that I'll always be in love with you "

Cate looked out the window. She felt, how her stomach clench. Love? How is it possible that from the one side it felt so well, and somewhere in the depths of so badly at the same time. She could no longer lie to herself that just nothing happened. Everything just happened, knocking her world upside down. For the first time in years she felt something so amazing and breath-taking. She knew that she is falling in love with a younger actress. She could not escape from that. She couldn't stop it.

Elder woman felt like those feeling penetrates her soul and makes it flourishes again. On the other hand, she is terrified about her conversation with husband. The boys are little - she felt that will love Rooney too and accept their mother choice.

Trade something off against something? For what her husband is capable? She was not sure. She sighed softly.

This week will be heavy. - elder woman thought, and closed her eyes.

Dream came out of nowhere.

* * *

Rooney woke up, opening her green eyes. She vaguely remembered her dream, someone took her. Someone kissed her. Someone whispered that she is an angel which one she will be miss. Someone. Cate?

Slowly still sleepy mind, came memories of the previous evening. Talking with an elder woman. And then ... Her lips. This tension. _Last night was completely different,_ _than_ _our_ _first time_ _together_ _._ \- she thought.

She turned, looking at the empty space in the bed next to her. She moved her hand on it. _I bet that Cate_ _had to go earlier._ \- thought the dark-haired actress. She moved slowly and buried her face in the pillow next to her. She could easily smell the scent of a blonde woman.

_"Cate."_ \- she whispered softly, hugging the pillow tighter. Her eyes ran slowly around the room. She noted that scattered clothes were folded on a chair opposite the bed. Her eyes moved to the table. Folded in half white card with some words. She rubbed her sleepy eyes and jumped out of bed.

Rooney felt cold, she reached for the quilt and wrapped her naked body in it. On the table it was also a breakfast and a small thermos. It was covered by another plate, on which was attached a small piece of paper.

_"Hello, my angel._  
I thought, You'd get hungry.  
x. C. "

_Cate is amazing ..._ _How much_ _I would give to be_ _with her right_ _now._ \- younger actress thought.

Right next to plates lie the keys to the room and protruding card, which was wounded her before. The girl moved her eyes on that - _"READ ME, PATRICIA. x C. "_  
  
Her heart immediately beat faster. At this time there was nothing important. She took the latter and sat back on the bed. With trembling hands unfolded it and began to read.

_"Dearest,_

I sit and I can see _your sleepy figure between the sheets_ _. I can not go out without a_ _ny_ _word. I can only imagine_ _,_ _how horrible it must be_ _,_ _when_ _after a_ _hot, amorous_ _night, the place next to you in_ _the_ _bed_ _-_ _is empty._

Therefore, before leaving I tried to do everything to somehow compensate you this _alone_ _morning. Believe me, I'd give anything to be able to see your sleepy face. To be able to tell you_ _,_ _about_ _what_ _am_ _I think_ _ing_ _right_ _now._

I think it would be easier for me. Although certainly somewhere in the middle of _my soul - I could be much more fussy_ _._

I did not think _, that_ _I'd be able to function normally_ _,_ _after_ _my husband's information_ _. My father_ _-_ _in_ _-_ _law was_ _a_ _really_ _kind man_ _. Always I could handle_ _with him,_ _when something was wrong. He was_ _for me,_ _like a father_ _. Like a father,_ _which I had only_ _for_ _a moment._

When you came to me in the evening - I was _so_ _happy. And_ _please,_ _believe me, I did not plan any of th_ _ose_ _things_ _,_ _which_ _happened later. The night was_ _so_ _beautiful_ _ly_ _._ _Our night_ _had a completely different intensity of emotion_ _s_ _. Slowly._ _With n_ _o rush. To the stars. To ease our minds, for that one, magical moment._

I can not any longer defend _by it_ _. I can not pretend_ _,_ _that nothing has changed._ _For me, my Dear Patricia, e_ _verything has changed._

I do not remember when I felt so happy as now.

_So happy w_ _ith you._

For a long time _,_ _I did not want to call_ _,_ _what I feel for you. I did not want to specify this. I can, however, no longer pretend and defend against it. I feel like my every breath is filled with this feeling. How slowly it germinates and is born anew, to_ _fully_ _blossom_ _._

Slowly.

_Without any_ _expecting. I am falling in love with you and I can not escape_ _from_ _it._

You can not imagine _,_ _how much I will miss you for this week._

PS. I do not remember _if I_ _gave you_ _my phone_ _number. Here you have_ _my_ _mobile. You can write_ _to my freely, whenever you want to._ _I'll_ _reply_ _to you_ _,_ _as soon as_ _,_ _I have a moment._

We'll talk as soon as I get back.

_Love,_  
__  
x. Cate. "

Rooney froze, when finished reading. Her hands were shaking. Breath accelerated wildly. She could feel the tears coming to her eyes.

No one ever said that loves her. Not in that way ... It was so beautiful.

She could not even believe it. Cate's image from a few hours before stood in front of her eyes.

_"You belong to me_ _._ _"_  
  
Sobs filled her throat.

* * *

Cate went quickly. Already, from the distance she saw her mother and three boys.

\- My beloved boys! - she cried, spreading her arms. She felt a moment, as they fall into her arms with a loudly scream: _"Mommy!"_.

\- Gosh, how much I missed you! You grow up! My big boys!

Each was patted on the head.

\- Hi Mom! - Cate said, hugging her mother. - I hope they were polite? - she asked.

\- Cate, you're so glamorous. Yes of course. They are so lovely. Dashiell has to learn Shakespeare. He's terribly nervous. Igy recently got A from mathematics and Roman is very, very worried about your future in film.

Blonde inadvertently bit her lip. _Gosh, my mom could be able to read everything from my face. Every detail. Every small emotions or sparkle in the eye._ __  
  
\- Glamorous? Mom, Finally I saw my boys. Boys, you're my treasure. Roman, why you get stressed? - she quickly changed the subject.

\- I know that no one will go to the movie, which one you shooting now.

\- Really? I bet, that you will be surprised.

She said with amusement in her voice.

\- You should play in _Ghostbusters_!

Cate laughed aloud.

\- Gosh, how much I missed you. I'll see, my Dear, what can I do with it.

She heard the sound of SMS. She froze, when she saw on the screen an unknown number. _It must be Rooney._ \- blonde woman thought, and quickly read the message.

_"Cate, your letter was amazing. I cried_ _loudly and can't stop_ _. I_ _... I need to tell you, that I_ _feel_ _something similar_ _, but it is not_ _a theme on the_ _sms or phone. We'll talk_ _about it,_ _when you get back. I know that you will_ _be_ _have a very busy week. Call_ _freely ,if you want to_ _._  
_You can be calm, because a_ _fter that_ _wonderful_ _night, I would definitely have to_ _much to_ _think about._  
I miss _you, x._ _Rooney_ _._ __  
PS. Thank you for breakfast. You are wonderful!

_PS. II. Say hello to the_ _boys. "_  
  
She could feel how her heart is beating wildly. She smiled and definitely could not hide it.

\- Boys. Rooney Mara greets you. - Cate said with a smiling.

\- Mom! Can we meet her? - Igy asked, taking her hand. Sons began to shout over each other. Stack of questions rang out almost immediately: "What is she like?", "Do you like her?", "Do you think we will like her?", "Will you take us next time? Let's go with you, please, please, Mommy! "," Say that she is nice and fun! "

Cate laughed again.

\- Boys, calm down! I'll see, what can I do for you.

Cate could felt those observant gaze of her mother.

\- I see that, you wanted to talk, Cate.

The blonde just nodded, when she is getting into the car.

* * *

House of full of noises. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She missed it. The boys ran upstairs to play.

Cate sat down on the sofa, and her mother came back after a moment with two cups of tea.

\- Tell me, what happened. I could read that from your face. - said the elder woman, putting her hand on daughter's knee. Cate at this time reached for a cup of tea.

\- I met someone. - blonde woman said after a moment. She could not look at her mother's eyes.

\- And? I can see that you are shining. So, is there something serious?

\- Yes. I guess so. - said Cate, sipping slowly. After a moment she smiled to herself, remembering the lovely laughter of a younger woman. She clearly remember, when it was. After another one, magical moment, when both at the same time, shared their love. They hugged tightly.

\- Who is this? I bet, that he must be so handsome. - her mother asked her, watching her intently. Cate sighed.

\- It is not that easy, Mom. - woman said and set down her cup. She immediately remembered her conversation with Todd and Phyllis, when they told about some kind of exclusion. Is her mother be able to understand her choice? There was no escape. She breathed loudly again and decided to play with open cards. - It was not the young man, but a lovely woman. It just happened. I thought, I could somehow separate it, but I can not. Slowly I'm falling in love with her and I can not escape from that.

\- I see. Did you sleep together?

\- Yes. I should feel guilty, right? - she asked gravely, not expecting an answer. - I do not have them, Mom. I betrayed Andrew and ... I do not feel bad about it, quite the contrary. In our marriage now, there is nothing to save. Not after how he behave and not after when he beat me up. Of course now, when his father died - he needs my support and he will get it. Moreover he do not expect anything more. My greatest fear is what he can do, when it comes to boys. I am not sure. - the blonde said, pushing her hair behind her ear.

Cate watched as her mother nodded and looked thoughtful.

\- My child, are you happy? Did she give you more? Did she give you those things, which Andrew had never been able to?

\- I am happy, Mom. Of course this is only the initial phase, but she supports me. A lot of talk. I urge her to finally try to play in the theater. He has this talent and potential. Andrew is beyond me close, but I could not anymore. I am afraid only of boys. How will I talk to him, I want you to be with me. I do not want another attack of rage. When you will watch. - She added softly.

Silence.

Cate drank tea. She thought it would be harder. Suddenly, the question pierced the silence.

\- It is Rooney Mara, right?

Cate smiled and nodded her head.

\- Exactly. Patricia Rooney Mara. How could you does not fall in love with her? - she asked, and laughed softly. -She is just awesome!

The answer was interrupted by a knock at the door. Her mother came to the door and opened it.

Cate heard voices from the entrance hall.

"Hello, Andrew. Cate is in the living room. "

She froze.

* * *

In the Cincinnati you could be able to feel the first freshness of the early spring. Brunette woman became between director and Ed - she nodded attentively.

\- We should repeat this scene. - Todd said. He easily might noticed that the young woman is absent. Her thoughts were at that moment far away. Todd nodded only to Ed and pulled Rooney aside.

\- What happens Rooney? - he asked in a soft voice. - You are absent.

\- I'm so sorry. I think about Andrew and her. That must be so horrible. That lost just suddenly came and I just ... I'm worried a little. - Rooney said and sighed loudly. - I know that I screwed up this scene, but believe me, it is so hard to me. We talked a lot about this and I still have a problem with that.

\- I know. Maybe we'll do a little break and return to the scene. Maybe you need to talk about this again?

Todd asked and looked into her green eyes with concern. Rooney nodded. She felt that her thoughts keep returning to the letter, which Cate left her. _"_ _Slowly._ _Without any_ _expecting. I am falling in love with you and I can not escape_ _from_ _it._ _"_ Slowly. Just like the previous night. Not hurrying up with nothing. Slowly learning of their reactions, which they could share. This time was different. Rooney still felt Cate's skin under her fingertips. She closed her eyes.

After a moment she felt like someone handed her a cup, saying with a pleasant voice.

\- Honey, you should be careful. I should not find it, I'm certainly sure of it. - Sarah replied with a smile on her face. Rooney opened her green eyes with amazement. The spirits swore at each other hideously. How many people have found this letter before her? She watched her intently. Dark hazel eyes looked at her with amusement. Rooney pursed her lips.

\- Come on, baby. Please, do not cross at me like that. I assure you that I am the only person who had seen it, and believe me I can be discreet.

Rooney remembered the morning. She did not have too much time. She was very shaken after the Cate's letter and not thinking at all, tossed it in the calendar and the script to her large bag. She ran to movie-set quickly. She just missed her breath. Probably when removing documents, Cate's letter had to be, or fall out of her calendar, which she left on the table in the shared room.

\- Thank you. - Rooney gasped and stared her eyes into the pavement. She felt how her cheeks redden.

\- I do not blame her. I'm not surprised. You are so cute. - Sarah replied with amusement and lit a cigarette. After a while, Todd approached them.

\- My Dearest Ladies, we still have to discuss about two things. I noticed that you two already know each other.

* * *

Cate sat on the sofa, sipping tea. She heard when the door slam and polite chatting.

When the man entered to the living room, woman noticed that he had a swollen, red eyes.

\- Hey, Cate! - he said. The blonde just nodded, but she could not move.

\- Boys! Your dad is there. Say hello! - Cate shouted, and after a moment their heard the sound of running feet. Screams and a commotion filled the room. Cate smiled, looking at her sons. She saw her mother brings cake and a a pot of tea.

\- Mommy, Dad do not call us. - Dashiell said sadly.

\- Dad had a very hard situation. - Cate quickly interjected.

\- But you also have a difficult situations on the movie-set and always remember of us. - said Igy in quietly voice. After a while he is sitting on her lap.

\- Boys, your grandfather died. - The man replied. The woman heard in his voice trembling.

\- At least you're not flooded, Andrew. - Cate replied coldly, imposing a cake for the boys on small plates.

The man looked at her sharply.

\- We can't talk about it with the boys, Cate. - he said .

\- I find the fact. There are different situations in life. Mainly these heavy. Do not you see how the boys missed you? - Cate said with reproach in her voice.

The man opened his mouth, but then closed it. Cate felt his eyes on her.  
He watched her intently.

\- Mommy, where is grandpa? - she heard a tiny voice.

\- My angel. Your grandfather went to heaven. - Cate said, moving her fingers in blond curls of the youngest boy. - He will not be able to come here and visit us.

\- He will know that I miss him? He promised us, that we would go to the zoo.

\- For sure he will know that you miss him, Igy. He will look at you from the heaven. That's why you have to be polite. - blonde woman said with trembling voice. Everything reminded her of her childhood and the conversation I recently had with Rooney. - Well, we can go to the zoo, tomorrow. Is it all right for you? - she asked.

\- Yes! - boys answered together.

\- Mommy, did you call to Rooney? We can meet her, please? - Dashiell asked.

\- She is so nice and funny! I saw an interview with her. - Roman added with a smile.

Cate felt when her cheeks are more reddish.

\- Rooney is busy. She is in the movie-set right now, but I'll talk to her. Later. - Cate said quickly.

After a moment of silence Igy added.

\- Mommy, spoke highly about her. I heard it.

Cate froze. She moved her eyes on her hands. Andrew watched the scene with more interest.

\- What your mother said, Igy?

\- Mommy said to grandma, that "how could you not to fall in love with Rooney and that she is so awesome!" I agree with Mommy.

Cate felt like a little boy hugged her tightly. Her heart was beating like crazy, she felt how her stomach grip. She breathing shallowly

They talked like that for a moment. When the boys got bored, they said that will be playing in pirates. Cate's mother looked at them carefully and said that she will be with boys on upstairs.

Silence.

\- Want some coffee, Andrew? - Cate asked.

He nodded and followed her into the kitchen.

\- You are so cold to me. - he started uncertainly.

\- Are you surprised? - blonde woman replied sharply, standing back to him. She could not look at his eyes. She could feel how her breath quickened. She brushed a strand of blond hair behind her ears and rested both hands on the kitchen counter. - I know that we are going through the hard times right now. It's not easy for you and of curse for me too. I liked your father, really. I'm sorry... - she stopped. - You really do not know, how sorry I am. - her voice trembled. She heard how the man pulled out a chair. The woman sighed loudly and reached into the cupboard for two cups.

She poured cold water and turned on the coffee maker. Two white cups filled up in black, steaming liquid. Cate put one of them in the front of her husband and sat down across from him.

The silence went through the room.

\- How is going with the movie? - Andrew asked.

\- Well. Sandy has prepared amazing costumes. You know, Todd very well. You can be sure that he will do a very atmospheric and beautifully movie from visual side. - Cate paused, staring at her hands, which lying on the table. - For now, we did not have a lot of shooting. Why did not you tell me, that you'll be a producer?

Silence. The woman looked up. Carefully, slowly, she moved her blue eyes through his tired face. She did not feel anything. The man sitting in front of her was close to her. It's hard not to. So many years together. Three children. But at that one moment, the only thing, which she could feel it overcome sadness and compassion. He lost someone who loved. He lost his father.

She did not feel any butterflies in stomach. She did not feel that tension. This one kind of tension, where you only need a one look of a loved one, to fall over your world upside down. Causing a rapid heart beat, confusion and a feeling that you can move the mountains. Through her husband's illness - an _Othello syndrome_ , lasting alcoholism and continuous control, they slowly moved away from each other. They just stopped talking - from little things to the serious decisions. Until finally scoop out enough. When he raised his hand - she told herself that she definitely must end it. For the sake of her own and especially for children.

\- I don't have time, Cate. - he replied quietly. - I know. I know that I screwed up everything. Children have a grudge, because I don't speak with them. I don't come here and played with them, like a good father should. But believe me, I really try ... Just see. - he replied quietly, pulling from his pocket a small, round object. After a while he lay it on the table. Like proof. The blonde looked at color. Silver meant that the patient does not drink for two weeks. - I'm taking medication. I try to go regularly to therapy. Before my father died, he told me that I hurt you so much and neglected our relationship. He was right. I screwed up everything, Cate. But I care about you and about the children. - she noticed as he tried to grab her hand. In response, she took her hands quickly.

\- Andrew ... - the blonde woman whispered. Her hands covering a hot cup of coffee. - I had plenty of time to think about those things, but I'm not sure if this is a good time for our conversation. The funeral will be in three days. Maybe we should hold off until then, what do you think? Of course, you will always have my support, but ... - she paused and looked straight into his eyes. - I can not guarantee you anything more. Not after what you've done recently, though probably you do not remember. - she replied quickly, feeling the tears coming to her eyes. After a moment she felt how s tear broke away and began to flow slowly, down on her cheek. After that another one. - Excuse me ... - she said, her voice breaking. She just jumped up from the table. She felt sobs, filled her throat. The whole incident from a few weeks, immediately stood before her eyes. He hit her hard. She thought it over. She tried to pull away. Escape. She lost consciousness. Suddenly, she felt men's hands on her waist. She moved nervously. - Do not touch me. - she choked by tears and pulled away. Something in her snapped. Long suppressed emotions returned to her with a renewed strength.

\- God damn, Andrew! Why are you doing this to me? Why? - she shouted, still crying. She could not calm down. She felt how much her hands are trembling. - I don't have the strength for fight about us any longer. I do not ... - she said, slumping to the floor. She hide her face between her her knees. Cate repeated quietly: _"I have no strength_ _to fight_ _"_ was punctuated by her hysterical sobs. It's hard to catch her breath.

Cate heard footsteps. She knew that steps. She knew that her mother was going to enter the room.

\- For Christ Sake, Cate! - elder woman said. - Andrew, please. Just please, leave us for a moment.

The blonde felt hands on her shoulders and whisper of mother. - Calm down. It's just a panic attack. As soon as I'll give you a pill.

The woman only nodded, feeling like her mother gives to her hand a glass and a small pill. She sighed loudly. Raggedly. Almost hysterically. After a moment, she swallowed a medication.

\- As soon as, you calm down. I'll walk with you to your room. You should lie down for a moment. In the evening you'll could to finish this conversation. When you'll be sleep, Andrew and I will take care of the boys. Finally, they should spend some time with father.

The blonde just nodded. She felt how her mother picks her up from the floor and hugged tightly at waist.

\- Everything will be fine, Cate.

The blonde woman was breathing heavily. After a moment, they were in the bedroom. Her mom sat her on the bed.

\- Thank you, Mom! - Cate said. - I did not think it was all just overwhelm me. These memories ... This is awful. This is just horrible - she added softly with a shaking voice.

\- I know, but you get over it. - her mother said with a calmly, aussie voice . - I would forget. - she added, and pulled from her pocket a Cate's mobile. - You left your phone on the table in the living room. When you talk with your husband came to you a few messages. I feel that something in the minimum way, could improve your mood. - she said, winking at her significantly. - Get some sleep. We'll talk later - the three of us.

Cate closed her eyes, holding her phone in the hands. Her heart was still beating wildly. _"My mother is a wonderful woman."_ \- thought the blonde.

Silent slam of the door, called her to back to reality.

The woman quickly undressed and put on your body long thin shirt.

After a while she lay in bed, holding her phone. She had a several messages. Two of her agent regarding further proposals for a new movies. The next two were ads from the operator, and the last ...

Her heart ached for a moment, when she read sms.

_"You belong to me. Miss you so much! x. R. "_  
  
_Gosh,_ _Patricia, my poor baby._ _How much I miss you. I really need to hear her voice_ \- blonde thought.

She just couldn't know, that miles away from her, tiny brunette woman in her hotel room, with the stack of paper said out loud:

" _Ask me things... Please."_


	15. Walking on a broken glass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my lovely readers - I’m back.
> 
> I’m so surprised, that you are still with me. I know, I know - I screwed up, because I don’t write anything for a really long time. I need to puzzle some things in my life. From that place I can proudly say, that I’m back with a full head of ideas. I have a plenty of time to writing and the next chapter will be quicker. 
> 
> For writing this chapter I used some music. If you want you can check it out:   
> The first is a song by Annie Lennox “Walking on broken glass” (here it’s a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y25stK5ymlA )
> 
> The second one is a song by incredible Norah Jones “Turn me on” ( link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ED1B39W9b0E ) 
> 
> Always I used a fragment from a LGBT show - L word, when I compare Sarah to Alice Pieszecki character - so here it’s a video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dC4Cn_x2iOg 
> 
> Please enjoy this chapter. You can write to me freely. 
> 
> If you read this chapter, please leave a review. 
> 
> Love you and thank you for support and kind words.

It was already dark, when a blonde woman went to the kitchen. She was wearing a night-dress from black lace and satin, short robe. Cate felt like her eyes are swollen from recent tears. She turned on the overhead light, which gave a really nice, dim light. She cleaned her face with cool water and sighed. “ _This week will be so hard.”_  
  
Blonde woman set the kettle on and mechanically turned on the radio. She talked with Rooney by half of the evening. Patricia’s sonorous, pleasant voice, full of concern gave her much more strength. Cate smiled to herself, remembering well girl’s laugh. Patricia told her, how she met Sarah Paulson on a movie plan. Patricia compared Sarah to Alice Pieszecki character from some famous LGBT tv-series. Both woman have a similar entertaining manner. The blonde was not sure of it. She wants to check it out, by turn on the notebook and bring for herself, a freshly brewed green tea.  
  
The blonde heard her mother’s voice. She knew perfectly well, that her mom is lulling Igy to sleep. The hardest thing for him is to fall asleep. He had the most fascinating questions before going to bed. Cate heard about what her son asked. Her mother replied that his mom felt worse after a long journey and must rest. Little boy with blonde-haired storm of curls on his head said:  _"But Daddy is also sick. Now mom_ _my_ _. I_ _’m_ _very worried."_ Cate felt, how her heart ached for a moment. Her sons sensed that between their parents is not going so well. Children could presentiment things. She knew she will go to him after he fell asleep, she did not want to awake him again. It was after 23:30 pm . Woman promised to herself that tomorrow, she will spend more time with her children. Time, for which she really miss.

Cate rubbed her tired eyes. She remembered her own shaky, lower voice, when she said that it will be a very hard week for her. Cate also mentioned to Patricia, that her sons would like to get to know her. Dark-haired woman promised to talk with Todd about it and if they could arrange something during the last days of shooting. Younger actress believed that Cate’s sons like her. She also said that Cate necessarily to see Alice Pieszecki, when she discovered that the two of heroine are together. Patricia explained that it could improve Cate’s humor. Sarah looked like Alice, when she read Cate’s letter. Both ladies spent the whole afternoon after the shooting together. Sarah behaved like an excited teenager, babbling all the time “that it is unbelieveably cute”. The blonde shook her head and turn on the movie. After a moment, she laughed out loud. Cate could easily imagined Sarah and her facial expressions.  
  
Suddenly, she heard a man's voice behind her.  
  
- What are you watching?  
  
Cate jumped on a chair.  
  
The notebook screen was visible. Two women are kissing, and behind the front door are standing a blonde girl, quietly talking by the phone and commenting on what is happening.

Cate turned, brushing a strand of blond hair behind her ear.  
  
- How long are you standing here? - she asked.  
  
- Enough. What are you watching?  
  
- Todd recommended it to watch. He said that it’s funny and could change a little my shitty mood. - she lied. When her blue eyes returned to the screen she saw as the other actress receive sms from Alice, saying that Shane and Jenny had sex last night. Their reactions were hilarious. Cate laughed again and turned off the laptop, when the movie was over. She was sure that Sarah could be discreet on these matters.  
  
Woman looked back at the man, who put his large hands on the table and watched her carefully. He was tired. His eyes looked puffy. Under the eyes he’s got the gray crescents. He had no sleep or sleep poorly. She did not feel anything, only regret of the situation. She regrets that he lost someone, who was the closest person to him. He lost his father. Just like her, but it’s only one difference. She was a little child, when her father passed away. She has learned to live with the loss. In this case, it must be a much harder. 

  
Suddenly Cate heard a familiar voice of Annie Lennox. I _ _ronically__ _ _,__ _ _it was "Walking on broken glass", lyrics__ _ _which__ _ _gave exactly what I felt at that moment. Tearing, pain, longing and uncertainty.__ _ _  
__

  
__"I'm living in an empty room_ _ ___  
_ __With all the windows smashed_ _ ___  
_ __And I've got so little left to lose_ _ __  
_ _ __That it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass"_ _

  
  
She sighed, rubbing her forehead. The headache did not want to go. Suddenly she felt an indescribable fatigue.  _ _I can not lie. I can not__ _ _give him a hope__ _ _that__ _ _it could__ _ _ever be well. I__ _ _’m a phenomenal__ _ _actress - certainly__ _ _he__ _ _would believe__ _ _me__ _ _, but__ _ _lie does not work for anybody__ _ _and__ _ _it could__ _ _only aggravate the situation.__ _ ___  
  
- Cate, Can we try to talk normal?  
  
The blonde just nodded. She saw how her mother comes into the kitchen, with a questioning look.  
  
- I'm feeling good. It was only a temporary crisis. - Cate said, getting up quickly from the table. Her low voice was almost coldly.  
  
- Cate, I’m very sorry ...  I screwed everything, but we can still fix it. I try and ...  
  
- Are you trying to? - she asked sarcastically, interrupting him almost immediately. - Where? At what point did you begin to try? - she paused, looking into his eyes. Her blue eyes were icy. The tide of bitterness overflowed a long time ago. Cate’s weighed her words only by a learned tact.

  
__"And if you're trying to cut me down_ _ ___  
_ __You know that I might bleed_ _ ___  
_ __Cause if you're trying to cut me down_ _ ___  
_ __I know that you 'll succeed "_ _ ____   


  
- Cate, I’m trying for us and for our children. - he said quietly, trying to catch her hand.  
  
- Really? - she asked, taking in her hand a packet of cigarettes. - Not so long time ago, our children, remind you a lack of interest. I don’t remember since when, we do not talk to each other. Suddenly you do not drink by two weeks, two weeks does not replace years and wrongs of what you did to me. You're trying now. Only fucking now, when you lost a person which you loved. Maybe this opened your eyes for everything. - Cate said quietly, heading toward to the front doors. The man went after her.  
  
The blonde sat on the wooden stairs from the terrace. She lit a cigarette and stared into the distance. Her head still ached. Is it a tension headache? She ran her hands over her forehead, waiting for his argument. Silence. She knew, she was right. Before her eyes stood the words of their son. He is worried about them, and the tense situation.  
  
- I do not even know how much it is hard for me. - he began uncertainly.  
  
Blonde woman winced, hearing his words. Yes, after it was not hard for her. Years of marriage slowly leaking through her fingers. Job, departures to the movie plans, children, their preschool, alcoholic husband. Continuous checks. Manically of checking her phone. She closed her eyes and bit her tongue, puffing on a cigarette.

___  
_ __"And if you want to hurt me_ _ ___  
_ __There's nothing left to fear_ _ ___  
_ __Cause if you want to hurt me_ _ __  
_ _ __You're doing really well, my dear "_ _

  
- I try. Although I know, that I hurt you a lot. I’m hurting you every time. I want to know, if we have a one more chance, Cate. Just...  
  
The woman put out a cigarette and looked into his eyes.  
  
- There is no longer, what we can save, Andrew. - she stopped and after a while she said in a low, trembling voice. - You do not know, how sorry I am. We should trying for our sons. I can be with you. I can support you, but I am not able to fight for us anymore. I can not. I don’t feel the same, as before ... - she paused, feeling how tears come to her eyes. In the middle of her soul, she felt nothing. Complete emptiness and kind of sadness.  
  
Woman could feel how his eyes moving over her face and body. She could not raise her eyes. She jumped violently, when she felt his hot breath on her face.  
  
- You slept with someone? - he asked quietly. Into his voice was, we can heard shadow of sadness mixed with anger. - Rather you did not those traces be herself. - he growled, pointing to her neck and collarbone.

  
__"Now everyone of us was made to suffer_ _ ___  
_ __Everyone of us was made to weep_ _ ___  
_ __But we've been hurting one another_ _ ___  
_ __And now the pain has cut too deep ... "_ _   
  


Blonde woman pursed her lips. She might lie to him. She could lie perfectly easy, that during the shooting of kissing scene, younger actress left red marks on her neck ... But this kind of lie could give a hope for her husband. And it could be placed her in the disadvantaged. In position, in which, she would be a torn between her sons, husband and person which she began to love.   
  
- Yes. I slept. - she said in cut, lower voice, interrupting him. - And not. There was none of your colleagues. It was not even a guy. - she said with reserved voice. She saw in his face an emerging disbelief.  
  
- With who? How ? After how much I tried! For us! For you! For children! - he shouted. After a moment, she felt a strong hit on the cheek. She hissed quietly, hiding behind her own hand. She felt the heat, which after a while, turned into a slight pain spilled on the right side of her face. She noticed that he breathed loudly. The man, which she loved so much standing in the front of her completely powerless. He hit her because he isn’t jealous, he hit her because all things which loved are bleeding and going away.   
  
Her heart at the same time broke up into several pieces. Nothing will ever change. She felt a tear runs down on her cheek. After another one.   
  
Her low, trembling voice pierced the silence.  
  
- That's how you try. Every time is the same.  
  
After a while, she got up from the steps and before she entered to the house, she added quietly:  
  
- I don’t have any strength to fight, Andrew. It's not about that, between us isn’t going well. Think about the boys. Here, we are playing for their welfare. I want them to be happy. Nothing more. We're not an ugly people, Andrew. Oh, and I have one more answer to your earlier question - I slept with Patricia Rooney Mara.  
  
Silence.  
  
Silence, smashed by the slam of the door.

 

 

*** 

 

 

The young actress greeted by a sleet on March morning in Cincinnati. Wind lashing raindrops, leaving the unpleasant feeling of coolness on her cheeks. Fog’s limited visibility.  
The dark-haired actress walked briskly. She improved her scarf, which is draped casually around her neck. When she was alone her thoughts guided inside her own soul. For young woman, it was always so hard to talk about her emotions, or feel them immediately. When she was alone, suppressed feeling inside of her, are bursting with all the power, blossoming like the first flower in the early days of the spring.  
  
Patricia remembered the sad, tired voice of the blonde woman, who only changed her tone, when she mentioned about her sons or that she misses for her so much. Dark-haired woman remembered well, the elder’s woman laughing, when Patricia describing her meeting with Sarah.  
  
Although it passed the next day, when Cate did not make any contact with her. Patricia headed toward the flower shop, which located is in the center of town.  
  
When she entered to the shop warm with the smell of fresh flowers hit her nostrils. She smiled involuntarily, looked around uncertainly.  
  
Young woman standing behind a wide desk smiled.  
  
- Good morning. How can I help you?  
  
Rooney headed toward her, saying that she called yesterday afternoon. She ordered a large funeral wreath with the dedication of the entire movie team.  
  
- It is ready for shipment. Today it comes to the indicated address. - said the young woman, showing wreath. - It was to be bunch of sunflowers and white lilies.  
  
Rooney nodded. She handed once again address, which she received from elder actress when they talked with each other last time. Young woman paid, took the receipt and left from the florist shop.

It started snowing.   
  
Patricia closed her eyes and caught her breath. The cold air plod her lungs. She knew that somewhere inside her the longing is born.

  
__"Like a flower_ _ ___  
_ __Waiting to bloom_ _ ___  
_ __Like a lightbulb_ _ ___  
_ __In a dark room_ _ ___  
_ __I'm just sittin 'here waiting for you_ _ ___  
_ __It's come on home and turn me on "_ _ ____   


  
She could not remember, if she ever felt anything like that before. She remembered full lips of blonde woman, when she kissing her slowly. The touch of her slender fingers. Another of Cate’s hand slid slowly between her dark hair. To feel this kind of desire even more, when their tongues intertwined. They are losing only in this one, magical moment. The scent of Cate’s body.  
  
A young woman suddenly felt as her chin is trembling. She froze disoriented, unable to control her own emotions any longer. At the same time she reached the incredible sadness. The woman to whom Patricia began to feel something amazing is a mother, wife, and the most talented actress of our times. The feeling that slowly was filled her body was almost out of place. But younger woman still wanted more:

  
  
__"My poor heart_ _ ___  
_ __It's been so dark_ _ ___  
_ __Since you've been gone_ _ ___  
_ __After all you're the one who turns me off_ _ __  
_ _ __You're the only one who can turn me back on "_ _

  
She felt how tears coming to her eyes. She could not deny it anymore and shut out like anything is happened. She fell in love, knowing very well about the consequences. Patricia felt like one of tears slipped out and ran down on her cheek. She sniffed, improving her scarf. After a moment, she took off her black leather gloves and reached the phone.  
  
She opened the message, while at the same time her phone rang. She saw on the screen a picture of her older sister. She grimaced. She did not want to talk right now with anybody. She rejected the call, which immediately sent a message that she is busy at the moment and call back later.  
  
Young woman sighed loudly and quickly wrote a new message.  
  
She could not behave otherwise.

 


	16. Awakening

 

The morning greeted Cate on the run.

Morning. The blonde opened her blue eyes, hearing the piercing sound of alarm. _"Fuck."_ \- she swore softly, trying to find a phone. She felt as if she had not gone to bed yet. She slept maybe for an hour. Although even that, she was not certain.

She stretched and turned off the alarm clock. Lately, there was a silence, although annoying sound for a moment piercing into her ears. She looked at the phone screen and smiled to herself. Message from Rooney. _"Patricia."_ \- blonde woman whispered softly. She remembered clearly when Patricia's green eyes staying darker when she saw her. The smell of her pale body. The smoothness of her fair skin. Nevertheless, in the middle of her soul, she felt some kind of concern. About what or who, she isn't sure.

The woman got out of bed, going to the kitchen. She quickly made coffee, and response for dark-haired girl's message: _"_ _So t_ _his is today. I'll be back soon. Andrew knows. I miss you. I miss so much. I'll call you later. xoxo. C. "_

When she finished her coffee, her mother joined to her.

\- How are you? Are you holding up? - her mother asked. Cate response only sighed.

\- So, as you can see. I sleep so badly. - blonde woman added, washing her cup. She knows, that her mother eyes are watching her carefully. Cate did not like ruth. - Andrew knows. I could not lie to him. I'm afraid a little bit, which may arise from it. But today... Today I have play, as if nothing had happened and to support him best as I can do. - actress said, almost breathless.

There is not much time to the funeral ceremony. The women agreed to share with one another in their responsibilities.

Cate ran to upstairs to wake up her sons. In a moment uproar, laughter and yells filled the entire house. Blonde woman, during the ironing shirts, explained to her boys, that day like today is so an important day. Day in which they are farewell their grandfather - and they should be very polite. She is helping them to prepare for the morning toilet, responded to each question. When she improved Dashiell's tie, they heard the voice of her mother, who called them for a breakfast. The boys ran down, and she finally had some time to herself.

Actress closed the bathroom door and sighed loudly. She was feeling fatigue. She quickly slipped bathrobe from her shoulders, looking at her reflection in the mirror. She had dark semi-circles under the eyes. Her eyes are bloodshot. A slight of bruise on her cheek. Despite this, blonde actress ran her hand through her neck to her collarbone. She smiled by corners of her mouth. The remains of the unsaturated Patricia's mouth, further reminded her of this night. Night, which turned over her whole life.

She does not regret it.

\- It was worth it. - she said at loud.

* * *

\- Rooney, I'm talking to you. - Todd said, crossing his hands.

Once again, they are repeating one scene.

\- I'm sorry, Todd. I just ...

Rooney knew, she should focus. Despite this, her thoughts returned to newly received message. Cate misses for her. If only Cate Blanchett could knew, what Patricia Rooney Mara feels, when she placed in an empty bed. Suddenly, she felt a strong, broad hands on her small shoulders.

\- Hey, Rooney. It's a tough scene, but we will do it well. - she heard his warm voice.

She lifted her head, looking at the young man. He smiled. He was wearing a dark coat and hat. In response, just she nodded, blushing. "Stupid, Mara" - she thought. - "Just focus on it!" Todd went to the actors, explaining the movement of the camera. He wanted to hear what actors have to say about their characters, then he added, how he sees this scene. The dark-haired actress nodded.

\- Thank you. - she whispered and sighed loudly.

\- Everyone on their places. Action! - Todd exclaimed.

\- 'I'm thinking of putting together a portfolio, you know, of my pictures. Start taking portraits, even. Apply for jobs. Maybe at a newspaper. Maybe at the Times. ' She could not look him in the eye. She took a breath. 'Dannie knows someone ... "

Jake interrupted her in her mid-sentence.

\- 'Have you been thinking any more about Europe?'

She didn't answer.

\- 'Terry?' - Jack insisted on.

Rooney suddenly stopped and turned. She looked at him. She looked into his dark eyes. She knew this as well. She remembered every detail from scenes in her apartment. She remembered all the earlier conversations with Charlie, which at the same time stood in front of her eyes

\- 'What?' - he asked, looking at her with surprise.

\- 'How many times have you been in love?' - she replied asking. She hears, how her voice sounds unnatural.

The man raised his eyebrows, grinning, not knowing for sure how to behave.

\- 'Whoa. Never. ' - he laughed, not knowing why. In the end, he lowered his voice adding and pointing at her. - 'Until you.'

Young actress frowned furiously retorted in her voice.

\- 'Do not lie. You told me about those two other girls. '

\- 'Come on. They were ... '- man stopped, delaying the response. Lately, he added - 'I had sex with them. That's not the same thing. '

Rooney bridled.

\- 'Meaning ... I'm different because we have not ...' - she paused and added quietly - 'Gone all the way?'

\- 'No, no - that's not what I' - a man trying to get out of an awkward situation. He paused mid-sentence, after a while, adding with a smile. - 'Hey, what's this all about? I love you. That's what's different. '

She looked at him and nodded. They resumed walking.

\- 'Have you ever been in love with a boy?' - Rooney finally said, feeling how her heart sped up. She felt as if she was locked up and could not get out of it. She knew that this question is a one big trap. Jake was silent.

\- 'No,' - he said with delay.

\- 'But you've heard of it?' - she asked impatiently.

\- 'Of course.' - he replied. - 'I mean, I have heard of people like that? Sure. '

The dark-haired actress frowned. Words uttered by Jack, hurt her. She no longer felt like Therese Belivet. At this point, in the front of camera was she - Patricia Rooney Mara. "People like that" - could still hear the words that echoed in her head.

\- 'I do not mean people like that. I mean two people who just ... '- _What? She could not find a definition. What was that? What she felt for Cate?_ Fragment of a letter from an elder actress stood before her eyes _"Slowly._ _Without any_ _expecting. I am falling in love with you and I can not escape_ _from_ _it._ _"_ _Love?_ \- 'Fall in love. With each other. ' - Love. The words scared her. She felt like she's trembling. After a moment, she added. - 'Say, a boy and a boy. Out of the blue. '

\- 'I do not know anyone like that.' - Jake grimaced, as if what he said skeeve him. He looked at the woman who walks beside him and added. - 'But I'll tell you this. There's always some reason for it. In the background. '

Rooney still trembling inside. "People like that." Did she and Cate are these people? The image of a passionate night stood in front of her eyes. The moment when she felt Cate for the first time. They walked down the street.

\- 'So, you do not think it could just "- paused, hesitating. - 'Happen to somebody, just,' - she felt her cheeks blush harder - 'Anybody?'

Rooney closed her eyes. She could feel, how her palms sweating. She knew that she isn't playing now. She did not play too, when she kissed Cate's lips. It happened to me. It happened to me and Cate. Patricia remembered the moment when she was inside her lover. She remembered very well, how slender body of an elderly woman trembled violently.

Jake shrugged.

\- 'No. I do not. What are you saying? Are you in love with a girl? '

Patricia thrilled. She read the script, god knows, how many times before. She knew that he was going to fall this question. But she did not know, that it will pick it up her just like that. It sounded like a statement of fact. As the verdict. As he judge her guilt. She fell in love, did not even know when. She missed Cate. She tried to separate her own emotions. She had been on the movie plan for the first time and she felt same, as portrayed character. She could not lie.

\- 'No!' - she shouted. Patricia knew that it was obvious. Her hesitation in her own voice. Lack of control.

A couple stopped in front of the building. Jake leaned his old, black bicycle on nearby lanterns. He took girl's hands into his. She felt as if Charlie blamed her lack of meetings and the time, when she frantically reading a book of Highsmith and a script written by Phyllis Nagy. She knew well what he asks. She remembered how Charlie asked the same question.

\- 'Do not you know I want to spend my life with you, Terry?' - Jake asked, looking into her eyes with devotion. - 'Come with me to France. Let's get married. '

\- "Richard, I'm not ready! - Her voice was desperate. She was near to yelled. - 'For that.' - She felt like she is running away. She is running away from Jack, as well as she did with Charlie. She was not sure, so she ran away before making any decision. With Cate it was different. She immediately jumped into this without thinking of the consequences. She wanted this very much. Just the same as elder actress. Patricia open her eyes wide, when she understand her own thinking. She felt how her soul was broken into thousand small pieces.

\- 'I can not make myself!' - She yelled at him with amazing power.

\- 'What? 'Tell me.' - Jack asked withdrawing.

\- 'I just ... I have to go.' - Rooney replied, feeling ashamed of herself.

\- 'Terry?' - Jake said.

\- 'I'm sorry!' - She replied and disappeared behind the wooden door.

In the darkness of the setting, Rooney sat down and buried her face into her hands. She was trembling. She could not calm the severity of breath. This scene smashed her completely. In the middle of her soul, in every each she knew, what the answer is. She knew but she is just to afraid to admit it, in the front of herself.  
She jumped into the middle without asking unnecessary questions. She jumped in the middle regardless of the consequences. She jumped into and forgot completely. She forgot about herself - disappearing completely in her own feelings for Cate Blanchett.

* * *

Cate looked into the mirror last time. She was wearing a black, pencil dress to her knee. black jacket, fitted to her waist and matte, dark high heels. She pin up her long, blond hair into a high bun. Woman used makeup to cover her bruise after being hit in the cheek. She took with her a dark sunglasses.

\- Mommy! We have to go! Daddy is here! - she heard from downstairs.

\- I'll get down. - she called back and reached for the small, leather, black bag on a long strap. She took her phone and looked at the screen. Four messages.

The first message was from Todd. He wrote to her that there is no problem with organizing this meeting in the last days of shooting. He also has a plan for her sons which they could play as extras in the passage of the film. The woman, after the reading, smiled to herself. It would be an interesting experience for them.

Another from Patricia. Cate's heart started to beat faster. She'll call her back as soon as it will be possible. She didn't have time for last days. The situation with her husband. Absorbing children. Lessons and their school. A lot of talking with them. Explaining why they can not live like before - all together. Together with their dad. Cate explained them with a calmly voice, that she came here only for a moment, but she would like to spend with them her free time.  
 _  
"_ _Patricia, you_ _do not know_ _,_ _how much_ _I_ _miss_ _you_ _. I'll call you later. Love, C. "_ \- she typed quickly on her phone and sent it on a well-known number.

When she's crossing the front door she remembered a scene from past. In this flashback, she was 10 years old, when she and her siblings were going to the funeral of their father. _Apparently time_ _should_ _heals all wounds ..._ \- she thought, and shook her head with disbelief. She put on her dark glasses and walked to the car.

Slamming of the car's door.

Silence.

* * *

The blonde walked beside her husband when they're leaving a church. The bells rang loudly. A couple talking to each other sporadically since last dispute.

\- We will do this, together. - Cate whispered into his ear. The man only nodded. She noticed how tightly he clamped his jaw. She knew, that he fought with himself. The stereotype, that men never cry, stuck deeply inside him. Woman in response took his hand. Hand was cold and limp. She closed her eyes. Trauma that haunted her since childhood stood before her eyes. She remembered her father, who was died. Then her mother. Siblings. She remembered the day, when they told about the death of her father. She had not slept. She could not eat. The woman quickly looked at her sons. They went ahead with her grandmother. They held their hands. Cate remembered that it was the same with her siblings. It's just that the loss was more painful. Although every loss, teaches something. It opens our eyes, that trivial problems are in fact worth nothing. The only thing that is important is health.

They paused before the tomb. Cate looked at Andrew, and her heart clenched in a seizure. His red eyes looked ill and swollen. She squeezed his cold hand. After a while, the men from the funeral home slipped the urn into the grave. The first blow sand on the coffin. Empty sound. The man standing next to her didn't make a sound. She could clearly see how his shoulders are shaking. She sighed softly, feeling in the midst of excruciating pain. Her father in law was a very good man. He supported her in every difficult moments. He was like a father, whom she had only for a short time. Another hit of sand. Life with a loss. The woman could not handle. She hugged her husband tightly at the waist and whispered. "Come here." When he returned her hug, tears finally filled her eyes.

* * *

Rooney was late. She ran on a movie plan with a scarf casually draped around her pale neck. Her dark long hair was tied into a messy bun. March debuted in Cincinnati for good, but even though it was still windy.

Young actress ran into the dressing room.

\- I'm so sorry. I ... - she said, breathing heavily. After a moment, her eyes fell on the person sitting on a small wooden cabinet. Suddenly her green eyes widened. She felt how her heart speed up. She wanted to scream. Jump. But she did nothing. She watched dumbfounded at the blonde woman, who winked at her. She was wearing a bright ecru, tailored suit.

Cate in response laughed softly. She seeing how a reddish girl's lips wide open with surprise.

\- Did you miss me, right? - she asked her coquettishly, winking at her significantly. - I thought I'll surprise you and come back earlier.

Rooney could not utter a word. Her heart began a mad rush.

\- C ... Cate, I ... You're ... You're looking so amazing. - she paused, blushing immediately. Rooney knows that she did not look the best. She could not sleep. Her pale face was covered with no makeup and hair was quite carelessly. - I'm entranced by you. - Patricia added, her voice is breaking. Longing, which she felt for the last days filled her heart with all the momentum after a while disappear. Longing replaced by something else. Rooney knew very well what kind of feeling she has. She looked around the dressing room and saw no one is near. She decided.

She could feel how her own body is trembling. Her steps were long, despite the little part, which she had to move. She felt how blue eyes are carefully watching her each step. Patricia felt that known playfully, flirtatious look.

In the end, their faces divided by millimeters. The blonde could see, how green eyes of the younger actress lit by the darker flame. This flame. Cate could feel Patricia's hot breath on her own lips. After a while Rooney hugged her tightly. Elder woman closed her eyes. That smell.

\- I miss you. - Cate heard a whisper, which gripped her heart. - I miss you. - dark-haired actress added, pulling herself away from the elder woman. She looks on her alabaster face. Women imbibe their presence. Their eyes moved through their faces. Rooney still had Cate's hand on her cheek. After a moment, she smiled only and pulled Rooney's face to her own. Patricia heard how Cate sighs softly. Their lips met finally. Coveted kiss, where you could feel this kind of longing. Patricia began slowly. Gently. Without hurry, feeling how her own body is trembling. Cate hand slid down through her cheek, the other wove into her dark hair. Blonde woman pulling Patricia's small body even closer to her. Cate's tongue did not wait for an invitation. After a while, the younger actress felt like their tongues entwined. She was sure, that she is not going to stop it now. She felt in the middle of her soul this kind of desire. The fire, which ignited her soul. The fire, which was the flame of love. _Cate._ _My lovely Cate._ \- Patricia thought. She's feeling Cate's voracious hands on her back.

Suddenly they heard a knock. Then grunt and loud laughter. They jumped back from each other immediately, trying to get back to reality. Both ladies looked with ashamed on a doorway.

Todd stood with Sandy Powell near to the entrance. He grinned. Red-head woman was in a little shock, but she smiled slyly. After a while, she added with her lovely British accent.

\- Todd, you told me, you were enchanted. I mean, I don't blame you, should I?


	17. Straight from the heart.

**Chapter 17**

 

Evening in Cincinnati started quite nicely.

Crowded, smoky pub, which led down by the stylish stairs. Those stairs are surrounded by a finely decorated metal frame.

From the speakers flowed music band, who just gave a live concert. A dark-haired woman with a milky skin was sitting at a large wooden table with the rest of the movie team. She closed her incredible, green eyes, listening to the sounds coming from the top. Her slender fingers covered a glass with a drink.

 

 

 _"Some small not think what you do is right_  
Just might hold it against you  
No matter how hard you try and fight  
Some still small resent you "

 

 

The woman's voice was low, jazzy, intriguing. The song was styled on a dance era of the late 70's - early 80's. Rooney took a sip from the glass. These lyrics ... She winced slightly, feeling the sharp taste of alcohol. She remembered her embarrassment. She can't forget about it for long, shooting day. Those magnetic gleam in blue eyes was everything that she had. Rooney knew what, or rather for who is waiting. They were almost everyone.

Everyone - apart from Cate.

 

 

 _"I look around, it's clear to see_  
You need love just like me  
I've seen enough to know by now  
When love feels to show it, show somehow"

 

 

After a while, amidst the noise could be heard the clatter of heels. A dark-haired woman gulp drank the rest of the whiskey. She could feel her heart goes to the throat. She knew. This Australian accent, apologetic, low voice for being late work on her magnetically. The younger actress lifted her head. Their eyes finally met. And those eyes. Damn, blue eyes that haunted her all day today. Lyrics came to her lately: _"You need love just like me."_. She froze, unable to make a move, expanding her beautiful green eyes. She felt like a red slowly ascends on her cheeks. She was unable to hide it. The emotions flowing from the Cate's Blanchett eyes - this curiosity. Dedication? Love? The kiss from the morning, stood in front of her green eyes.

 

 

 _"Alright if it's coming_  
Straight from your heart  
Ooh, you knew where to start."

 

 

She felt her own eyes moved around the silhouette of an elder woman. She knew what kind of look she has. A look of longing. A look of hungry. Those wishing about to be alone with her. Just with her. Together. Certainly not in this crowd of people.

She saw how Cate smiled at her. After a moment, her voice broke the silence at the table.

\- Can I sit next to you? - Cate asked in her saucy voice, winking at her significantly.

A dark-haired woman moved, staring at the floor. She did not want to know how her face looks at this moment. Rooney could feel the heat radiating from the body sitting so close to her.

 

 

 _"Let me see you coming, coming straight from your heart_  
(Straight from your heart)  
Oh girl, you know where to start "  
(Loose Change - Straight from the heart.)

 

 

She noticed how Jack brought next bottle. He smiled at her. He was nice. Jack caring when she was so stressful on the set. He had a nice dark eyes. She liked him, but nothing more. Not like ... Not like this actress, who was sitting next to.  
Jack poured the whiskey. He asked about the same Cate. She nodded her head in response, proffering a glass. She was absorbed in conversation with Todd and Sandy.

Rooney was trembling inside. She picked up mechanically a glass and took a sip. She felt hot bottling up in her esophagus. This day was intense. First - her surprise coming over by Cate's earlier return. Then - this one, damned, coveted kiss. Kiss interrupted by Todd and Sandy - perhaps it's well that only through them ... In connection with the return Cate - Todd changed his plans. He wanted to shot Waterloo this day. She thought he did it on purpose. He knew perfectly well, that she has a birthday. Despite this, Todd took care of the smallest detail and to it that the two actresses feel comfortable in the front of the camera. _Cate Blanchett naked on birthday_ \- Rooney thought, sipping a drink from a glass. She smiled to herself. She remembered perfectly first kiss by Cate on the set. Thirsty. Covetous. Cate's long fingers, seeking her hand. That's when barely she broke away from the soft lips, whispering: _"Take me to bed."_ Her voice is shaking. When they were on the bed, she felt that her body was shaking. She knew immediately what happens. Cate slowly solved her robe, parting it gently from side to side. Cate's blue eyes moved over her pale body. Rooney saw how Cate smiles at her. Hardly. Smile only by the corners of her lips. After a while, the blonde woman slipped off her clothes. The younger actress wanted to reassure her. She ran her fingers gently along Cate's slender, bare back. She saw the woman moves to turn off the light. Rooney stopped her almost immediately, whispering: " _Do not. I want to see you."_. After the moment she felt Cate's lips on her. She froze. She answered her greedily. With all longing. With all the emotional baggage which she wore in her own soul for this week, when Cate was not beside her. She could not stop. Cate's shivering voice broke the silence. _"You're trembling."_ It was like a statement of fact. Cate smiled, weaving her fingers into Rooney's dark hair. Cate pulled Rooney back to her body. They're kissed. Gently. Slowly. At this time it was her Cate, her Catherine, not Carol character. Rooney responded immediately, feeling how Cate's hand moves down, slowly on her own collarbone. Rooney put her hands over elder woman face and pulling her closer. Then she slipped her tongue between another woman lips. She did not have to wait long for Cate's response. Younger woman could feel blonde's slender hand caressing Rooney's breast. The dark-haired actress pulled back slightly, breathing loudly. Faster. After a moment of silent, throaty moan broke the incredible silence on the movie set. Rooney felt how Cate's tongue caressing her nipple. Elder woman started to suck it and lick it. It's like she started slowly draws by her mouth a path on younger actress body. Path to the down.

Suddenly, Rooney felt that someone touch her arm with laughing.

\- Hey darling! This is your party, and you are absent! - Sarah said, sitting beside her. The dark-haired actress looked straight into hazel, shining eyes. She saw how Sarah laughs. The younger actress ashamed. Proposition of the evening birthday party sailed quite spontaneously. Rooney mostly would spend it in her own hotel room, but she knew that it was not proper. Only now she realized that three people sitting next to her had disappeared, while she fell completely into a world of her lusty _"Waterloo"_ memories.

\- Sarah, I had a really tough day. - Rooney whispered softly, feeling her own blushing even more. The blonde woman laughed softly and leaned over her. Rooney felt Sarah's hot breath on her ear.

\- Waterloo. I understand that you can be absent. For God Damn, hell you saw Cate Blanchett completely naked. Who would not, sweetie. Who wouldn't want to be in your place? - she whispered and pulled away. Look of hazel eyes watched her face attentively. She smiled. - You're adorable snowflake. I'm glad of that, as a small child. Of course I'm not surprised of your decision. Believe me, I know that from personal experience, how hard is admit before self that you prefer women. In this case, it is heavier at least for Catherine, but you ... You're very young. I think your film roles are not chosen by chance you. Jumping on the Kinsey Scale in your case is still normal. - Sarah added more quietly and tapped her glass.

Rooney blushed even more, and said softly.

\- Only that I ... - she paused, breathing loudly. Perhaps the amount of alcohol consumed has added her courage. Dark-haired actress always felt attacked as she had to say something more about her own feelings. - Sarah, you're so nice to me and ...

Sarah interrupted her and said quickly, in a low voice.

\- Sweetheart, you can tell me anything. Believe me, I understand, and even counsel you more. I love women and I'll tell you that in the beginning it was a complete surprise for me. - She smiled and took a sip from the glass. - But I had a feeling that something is going on between you two... Awww, that's so sweet! - Sarah said with excitement in her voice, like Alice Pieszecki. Rooney laughed, shaking her head in disbelief.

\- Sarah, I could not admit. I did not want. I ... It was not, until the final scene with Jack. It made me realize about what I really feel. I thought it was infatuation ... You know, it's Cate... Cate... - she stopped confused. - It's hard not to be enchanted by her. She is phenomenal ...

Sarah watched her intently in her wise, dark hazel eyes. She saw how the younger girl drunk a big sip from the glass. She grabbed her gently by hand to add her more courage. She was not sure whether Rooney starts to talking. However, Rooney approached at her and whispered.

\- The first sex with her was... Oh, you know ... A little bit of alcohol. Cate had many problems. My heart bled. I can't think, I moved to her. I kissed her and ... It happened. Another one was more passionate. But all of this happened before, than we realized... - Rooney stopped blushing.

Sarah just nodded and smiled. Into her hazel eyes were visible understanding. Seeing that three people are coming back with something, she only added.

\- Rooney, when you two will talk seriously, you will see what I mean. You will understand, why women. I see something in Cate's eyes, but I think you'll find it over time. - She said, laughing softly. After a moment, she pulled a dark-haired actress's hand.

\- This is your day, baby! We have prepared a surprise! - Sarah said, and laughed again.  
Rooney looked around and smiled radiantly. She had not expected that they are endeavor so much. They bought a big cake. They gave her a lot of wishes, and of course she received from each other a small gift.

She did not know that this evening is just beginning.

Evening as a prelude to fulfill her own dreams.

 

* * *

 

The blonde stepped out of the shower and looked in the steamy mirror. She rubbed them by hand and looked at her reflection. Scenes from the whole day passed before her eyes. She sighed loudly. She wanted to talk with Rooney so much. Her full, soft lips when she kissed her and the darkening green eyes. She could easily read, how much Rooney wanted her. How much she desires her. Elder woman pushed wet hair from her face and quickly established a bathrobe.

She looked at the bed by the corner of her eyes - she knew, she did not fall asleep. She took hurriedly another gift and a bottle of wine.

She hoped that the younger actress is still awake. When she stood in front of her door, she knocked. Blonde woman is taking a deep breath, mentally counting the seconds. Silence. Suddenly, she heard a quick steps.

\- It's me, Cate. - she said, without waiting for the basic question. After a moment, the door opened. The blonde smiled, seeing a pale figure. - I hope, I do not wake you. - she said in a lower voice. Voice with a little care. Voice with a little puzzled.

\- Come in. - younger actress said, letting her into the room. As soon as she closed the door, she looked at the hands of actress. The blonde woman put the wine on a small table and said after a moment.

\- I can not sleep. Besides ... - she paused and looked straight into that damn, beautiful green eyes - There's your birthday. When I was in Australia and I saw these things. I immediately thought of you. - she added, slowly walking towards her. She handed her purse. - Open.

Her voice was soft. Rooney felt on her face a research blue gaze. Throughout the day, she is waiting for this moment. She wanted to jump and shout. Fall with a power into her arms and kiss her. Say everything in one breath. However, she did nothing. She sighed, trying to control her trembling hands - to opened the gift.

\- Oh, Cate! - Rooney choked with compressed throat and looked at her in expanding amazement in her green eyes.

The blonde smiled playfully. Brushing her blonde wet hair behind her ears. - I hope that I found the right size.

Rooney took out a few t-shirts in the vintage style. Such as those she loved. The next one a large, warm, dark-colored scarf and small, suede box.

\- I hope everything will be right for you, baby. - younger actress heard a lower Aussie, trembling voice. She noticed how Cate opened the wine and without waiting for approval poured alcohol into glasses. A dark-haired girl looked uncertainly at the box. After a moment she opened it and froze.

\- Cate ... I .. - she replied confused. Her eyes rested again on the small ring of white gold. The ring was minimalist. Without unnecessary ornaments, for which she didn't like. She felt immediately, how red enters into her cheeks. She saw the bright blue eyes. This smile. She picked up the glass quickly and drank a gulp the entire contents. Now or never. - Rooney thought and went over to the woman. - Cate, I ... - she paused again, feeling the woman's hand on her. She closed her eyes and said with a lump in her throat. - I love you. So damn, I love you and I need you so much. Oh God.

She froze, closing her eyes. After a while she felt how actress grabbing her body by arms. She could smell the shampoo. Her perfume. She felt the warmth of her body. She was trembling. She could not calm down. Behind her back against the wall and felt the blonde's hand on her cheek. Cate raised face of younger girl and looked deep into her eyes.

\- Honey, you do not know that I love you too? - she stopped smiling playfully. - I could not stop shaking my hands, when Todd said with a smile, that today will be the scene of Waterloo. I can not stop thinking about your lips, your voracious hands. Your naked body. - Cate paused, moving her hand on Rooney's full, pink lips. - What would you do if I have for you one more gift? - elder woman said it with a coquettish voice, looking into extending eyes of her beloved. - What would you have done if I will be your birthday gift? - Her lower, Aussie voice broke by trembling.

Rooney grabbed Cate by the hand and pulled her tightly to her own body. Their lips united in a kiss. Passionate. Full of longing. There was no understatement. Nothing mattered. Only her. Only the kiss and what she said. Time passed, and their tongues intertwined. They kissed breathless. Without limiting them resistance. And the chemistry between them. She smoked. Kindled even more desire. A dark-haired girl could not stand. By the one move of her hand, she slipped a bathrobe from the blonde actress. She saw Cate looks at her with mock indignation, and after a moment she smiles. So ordinary. Like not her. Rooney bit into earlobe Cate.

\- Well, well, my Catherine wants to be a slave? From when? - she muttered by a lower voice. She could not control her through the waves of desire. The blonde under a soft bathrobe had only a black lace panties. Rooney moved her hands over Cate's face, neck, collarbones. She could not get enough of the softness of her skin. - You look beautiful. - Rooney added, blushing.

The blonde picked up on almost immediately.

\- Since when Todd told me to go to bed in Waterloo with a lovely dark-haired actress. I just completely lost my head for you. - elder woman replied with a laugh in her voice. Nevertheless, Rooney knew how badly Cate wants her. Under her fingerprints she felt well a goose bumps on blonde's woman body. She saw in her eyes a darker flash. She did not have to ask.

She put Cate on the bed, hugging her tightly. Younger girl could hear how another heart is beating so fast. She closed her green eyes, feeling how blonde's hands attracted her tightly. Rooney laughed softly, stopping millimeters from Cate's face. They looked deeply into each other's eyes. They did not have to say anything. They knew.

 

 

 _"I need to let you out of your cage and set you free_  
If tonight's the night  
I'm gonna show you I is not got no game plan "  
(Roisin Murphy - Primitive)

 

 

They also knew, when Rooney tied Cate's hands. Before she depriving from slender body a last clothing. She tensed Cate's hands behind her own back. If that great and amazing woman wants to be her gift, she will be dictate the terms. - Rooney thought with a smile, biting into elder's woman neck. Silence was broken by a low moan. A dark-haired girl knew that woman wants her. She could see it into darker blue eyes. And now she had it out for self. For self. Whole blonde woman naked body. Rooney also noted that there is nothing more beautiful than the view of slim, sexy and pretty damn, aroused women. Shiny, darker blue eyes looked at her intently. Blonde woman breathing faster, harder, and reddened from recent touch lips were all that she has in this, one moment.

 

 

_"I know what you're searching for  
I pray you find it on your instinct "_

 

 

Time passed. Unsaturated Rooney's hands roamed the blonde's body. Dark-haired actress smiled to herself. She is getting to know her better. She studied her reaction. Slowly. Without a rush. She caressed Cate's body by a tongue, leaving the track for her mouth. She touched her breasts. She teased her nipples by a tongue, seeing more and more powerful Cate's face blush. Her entreaties, sighs and requests pierced the silence in the room. And those gaze of blue eyes. This look with devotion. This look with love and wanting.

 

 

 _"I want to let you out of your cage and set you free_  
If tonight's the night  
I'm gonna show you I is not got no game plan (primitive love for me)"

 

 

\- Oh God! - Oh, I beg you, Rooney. - Blonde moaned, resting her head on Rooney's shoulder. Cate sat on the bed astride. Her hands was still tied. Rooney was sitting right behind her. Agile, voracious hands still caressed her slender body. Rooney moved her hand up Cate's thigh. Slowly. Hearing of exciting moan from partner throat, she could not wait any longer. Moan, who was everything. Those kind of moan which spoke one thing. _"Fuck me."_

\- Oh ... - she whispered into the blonde's ear. - Extend your legs. - Rooney added, smiling slyly. At the one, magical moment, she felt how hot and wet is Cate.

\- Wow - the dark-haired girl said with a voice of undisguised amazement. - So what now, my slave. Those kind of waiting is worth everything. - Rooney said in a trembling voice. Without waiting for an invitation, she slipped into Cate's one finger. For a moment she added a second one and accelerated. The blonde did not remain indebted. She moved her hips up and down. Rooney saw everything. She could see the muscle twitching in Cate's face. She could see the blush slowly upward to the neck and chest of her beloved woman. She could feel her trembling. Harder and harder.

For that one moment it was worth waiting a few hours. She ripped, burned, and went on. Further pressed on each other, forgetting about the whole world. Now there was only Catherine. Her moans, hip movements.

There were no borders. Rooney added another finger, this time elsewhere. Cate extended her dark blue eyes, muttering disapprovingly, that probably her lover made a mistake. Dark-haired girl by another hand caressed Cate's most erogenous place. She do not interrupt the moment.

In this one magical, moment, a loudly, spasmodic cry broke the silence. A few frantic seconds. Flooded pleasure. The body of the blonde stopped for a moment. She was trembling hard, arched. Her blonde head rested on Rooney's shoulder and looked into her eyes deeply.

Rooney eyes moved around the flushed cheeks, neck and neckline of her beloved. On Cate's blue sparkling eyes. Blonde woman smiled with embarrassed. Rooney solved quickly an elder's woman hands. Younger actress saw how Cate rubbed her wrists. Suddenly she smiled and pounce into Rooney's body with a full force. There were such moments nestled in each other, not saying anything at all. Absorbing what had just happened between them.

After a moment Cate's laughter broke the silence.

\- God! It was so beautiful. I just need to smoke the cigarette. - elder woman said in a lower voice, moving her slender fingers under the Rooney's collar bone. - I'll tell you, my Sweetheart, that it was the best sex of my life. Of course so far. - she reply playfully and kissed her on the lips. - I love you. - she added in lower, trembling Australian accent. They watched each other for a moment. After a moment Cate said.

\- How did you know ... - she stopped blushing. - How did you know that I would like your fingers into my...

A dark-haired girl laughed, seeing for the first time how elder woman is embarrassment. Her beloved actress. Her beloved woman. Rooney rolled her green eyes and said.

\- You know, Darling, you were so incredible wet. I had to come up with something. I thought that you have a really nice ass. And it just happened. - Rooney added, slapping Cate's buttock.

Cate laughed from the answer and hugged her tightly.

\- I hope you know my Angel, that this night for you will be a much longer? - she replied coquettishly and kissed her.

Dawn.

The next wave of pleasure flooded their bodies. They could not get enough of each other.

From the dream woke them a loud noise. They picked up with fear, burrowing into each other arms. Someone walked through the hotel hallway and pounding on every door.

\- Damn, where is this slut? - they heard the screams.

Cate looked at Rooney with a disbelief in her lovely blue eyes.

She froze.


End file.
